The Magic is in You (part 1 of 2)

The alarm went off early in a pitch black hotel room. We didn’t shower, and we barely brushed our teeth before piling into the elevator to head downstairs. We grabbed some fruit, bagels, a bottle or two of juice, and anything else that was easy to eat on the go. Then, it was on to a quick shuttle to the Transportation Hub where we caught the monorail over to the gates of the Magic Kingdom.Disney World

We were ready. We had a plan. We’d loaded up our backpacks with food, clothes, and everything else we could possibly need the night before, and 10 minutes before the gate opened, we were at the ticket booth. You see, FastPasses to the Seven Dwarfs Mine Train are incredibly tough to get, and both of our kids were dead set on going on that ride. So in order to avoid the incredibly obnoxious lines that will bring any six- or eight-year old, and most 30- and 40-year olds, to their knees in tears, we had been advised by a Disney guru friend to make a b-line for that roller coaster. No watching the opening show, no lingering on Main Street to see a character, no taking a picture in front of the castle. GO, GO, GO!

“Can I see your tickets?” asked the friendly cast member. I pulled up the Disney App and handed her my phone. “I need to see the bar codes,” she said. “Bar codes?” I asked. “Okay… I’m not sure where those are, but here are the times we’ve reserved to ride certain attractions.” “Yes, but I need to scan your bar codes.” “Hmm….I know I had those in my email before I loaded everything in the app,” I told her. I began searching my email for the tickets. I don’t know about you, but when I most need to find something in my inbox, my search words and terms bring back messages from two years ago rather than the week before. Loading, loading…. “Crap,” I say (after all, we are at Disney).

Tick Tock (Croc)…

Five minutes have gone by now. I abort the email search. My daughter was pulling on my backpack, “Let’s go,” she begs. I look back at the woman in the booth. “The tickets were loaded into the app. Now I can’t seem to find them in email. Isn’t there a way to retrieve them from the app?” I point to the “My Tickets” function, and she holds the phone, peers over her glasses, and says, “I’m just not as familiar with the app.” The sun seems to have gotten much hotter and brighter as another five minutes pass. Finally she calls over another cast member who immediately locates them. “Oh. Yes. They’re right here.” I don’t see what she taps but apparently she’s found digits to input rather than bar codes to scan. There are four of us and the codes are a good 12 digits long. “A.3.5.T…..”

My wife is now looking at me, shaking her head, and showing me the time. 8:05 a.m. Finally, the agent finishes all codes. “And that does it! You’re all set. Have a magical day!” Bag checks, clogged gates, people grabbing strollers and stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to tie shoes and pick up kids… buy an ice cream from a street vendor? Come on people, it’s only 8:10. By the time we got to the Mine Train the wait time showed 45 minutes. We stood for maybe a minute, partly in amazement, partly debating if our kids could handle the wait, and partly figuring out if our daughter really needed to go to the bathroom or not. Then the sign turned to 60 minutes. “Forget it,” I said. “Let’s go ride Barnstormer.” For those of you who don’t know Disney, Goofy’s Barnstormer is a classic, standard roller coaster, meaning it does not have the fancy animatronics or story line of some of the more premier rides.

Rick ClarkTo make a long story even longer, the other two rides our kids really wanted to ride that day were Space Mountain and Splash Mountain. Splash Mountain never opened due to technical issues. Halfway through the line to Space Mountain it closed “temporarily,” only to remain closed the rest of the day. We re-routed each time. Due to closures we received complimentary FastPasses to Pirates of the Caribbean and Jungle Cruise, we got front row seats for the parade and later the fireworks, and ultimately, at closing (15 hours…well, technically 14 hours and 50 mins, after entering and 9.2 miles later) we literally carried our kids out of the park.

Our daughter cried about leaving until halfway down Main Street, when she fell asleep on my wife’s shoulder. Sitting on the monorail, I asked my son what his favorite part of the day was. “Barnstormer,” he said without hesitating. “So much fun.”

Barnstormer. Rode it twice and the lines were no more than 30 minutes all day. It’s what you call an “access ride.” It does not have a big name. It does not a have a long waitlist or fancy animatronics. No supply and demand problem. No strategy involved to “get in.” The next day, on the drive home, and ever since, our kids have been dressing like pirates and begging to watch The Curse of the Black Pearl.

“Our fate lives within us. You only have to be brave enough to see it.”

If you are a high school senior who did not have the exact Disney experience you were hoping for in the college admission process, here are a few lessons I learned from our trip:

  1. Don’t blame yourself. If you did not get in to your first choice college, do not spend April (and certainly nothing beyond it) replaying in your mind how things could have gone differently. “If I had just taken one more AP class, or scored a point higher on the ACT, or chosen a different essay topic…” Nope. Move on. You have acceptances in front of you. You have places excited to provide you a great college experience. Maybe it’s not what you had “loaded into your app” a few weeks ago, but now they’re excitedly waving you in. There are plenty of other students going to that school who feel like they just won a bonus FastPass. Get in line with them. Buckle up, commit yourself to the experience, and enjoy the ride.
  2. Don’t blame other people. “If that admission counselor had come to my school and met me… if my counselor’s recommendation letter had mentioned my Eagle Scout award…” “Ifs” will kill you in the admission process– and in life in general. The closed doors, long wait lines, and low admit rates of life are what ultimately guide and steer you down different paths. So rather than looking back over your shoulder at the “mights” or “could have beens,” take full advantage of the options you have been offered. My best friend in high school did not get into Princeton. He was crushed. It was his dream school and he was convinced it was the only place for him. But I’ll never forget the day in April (probably right around this time) when he came in wearing a UVA shirt and a huge smile. “I’m going to Charlottesville!” Get your heart, your energy, and your mind pointed toward something and somewhere rather than staring back at something that is no longer there anyway.
  3. Clear your head. Is all of this starting to sound the same? Well, expect more of it because at this time of year you have big decisions to make. And you need a clear head to do that. The truth is that whether you are into your first choice, denied to all but one, waitlisted at more than you would like to admit, or still trying to talk to the gate agent about why they can’t find your tickets, you are going to be on a college campus this summer or fall. And the truth, and frankly the most important part, is not “where” you go. The infinitely bigger point, and the real long-term impact, is “how” you go, and “who” you are when you go. That’s what you should be focusing on. CLEAR. YOUR. HEAD! Go fully committed. Go excited. Go humble. Go looking forward. Go ready to help those around you make it the best experience for them.

When I finally laid my head down on the pillow again that night, I realized what I hope you will. See, they tell you to “experience the magic” as if it’s in the park, or in the characters, or on the rides, or in the experience. But the real magic, it turns out, is IN you.

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Be Cool.

Listen to the audio version of this blog on the College Admission Brief podcast: Apple | Spotify | Spreaker

I am not a big fan of having internet access on flights because it is a huge temptation for me to do work in the air. So one of my new year’s resolutions is  to stop getting Wi-Fi on the plane. Instead, I read, write, listen to a podcast, or, depending on the length of the flight, watch a movie. With young kids and a wife who is the romantic comedy queen, it’s a rare thing to get to watch whatever I want to watch.

Chaos Around You…

Last week I was flying to Virginia and watched 13 Hours. It’s a super violent, super intense movie about an attack in Libya on two US compounds/outposts. The movie starts with a US special ops contractor flying into Benghazi.  Upon leaving the airport they immediately run into a road block and are boxed in by heavily armed and aggressive rebel fighters. It’s heated and confrontational. Guns are drawn and everyone is yelling at them in Arabic. But the two Americans are unflappable. They’ve been in situations like this before. They don’t raise their voices. They don’t panic. They stay calm and reason with the commander of the opposition force in a firm but balanced manner.  Not easy, right? Chaos around you. Lots of voices. Lots of emotions. Lots on the line.

At Georgia Tech, we are about to release admission decisions and over the course of the next month, most schools will also be putting their decisions on the streets. So, when you log in to a portal, or receive an email or letter from a school with an admission decision, keep two words in mind: Be Cool.  This is on you, because you can’t count on anyone else. Your parents may lose their minds. Your teachers or principal or neighbors or friends may as well. Again, lots of voices, lots of emotions, lots on the line. Two words: Be cool. Allow me to explain.

If you are admitted…

First of all, congratulations! Celebrate. Buy the t-shirt, go out to dinner, treat yourself to something you’ve been wanting to get, or just go get a double scoop of ice cream. Whatever makes you happy. Celebrate your win. Be proud. But keep in mind two things: 1- That could have easily broken the other way for you, especially if it was a highly selective college (30% admit rate or lower). Not saying you’re not the (wo)man, but holistic admission is unpredictable, as we’ve discussed. 2- Some crazy qualified and talented students did not get in, and they are disappointed and hurting.

What should you do? Act like you’ve been there before. Keep it classy, my friend. It’s okay to post your excitement on social media, but a little humility goes a long way. Big difference between: “Got into Northwestern today. They would have been crazy not to take me” vs. “Accepted to UCLA. Honored to have the chance to go there.”Be cool everybody

What should you NOT do? Walk into school and make a big show by pronouncing your victory to the masses.  Not necessary. AND, trust me, definitely not what the school who admitted you would want from you in representing them. (This is also known as the opposite of being cool.)

If you are denied…

Well…it sucks. And you can be honest about being upset. But keep it all in perspective. Nobody died. Nobody was even physically hurt. Look in the mirror. You’re the same person you were the day before. Same talents, same passions, same goals. Just a different path to get to them. Nothing has changed. Say it with me, “Nothing has changed.” Be Cool.

What should you do? You’ll need to figure out how to work it out. Go for a long bike ride or drive. Burn the hoodie (safely, please). Play some cathartic video games. Build something. Go see a movie, or just cry. By now you know how to take care of yourself in times of disappointment. If you don’t, consider this the first lesson in that very necessary, and all too frequent, life skill.

What should you NOT do? Blame someone else. “If Mr. Pruitt had given me an A in that history class…,” “If my parents hadn’t made us move in sophomore year…,” “If Coach Williams had let me play Varsity as a freshman…” No finger pointing. No regrets or should haves. It’s time to move on. You have other options. Look at this closed door as a way to push you toward the next one. Does that sound cheesy or trite? Sometimes the truth is like that.Just be Cool

If you are wait listed…

I’ve literally NEVER heard someone say they like to wait. “Hey, what are you doing this weekend?” “I don’t know. Was thinking I may just go wait somewhere.” Nobody loves “maybes.” But if you are wait listed, that’s what you’re being asked to do. So, again, Be Cool.

What should you do? First, accept your spot on the wait list. Yes, you have to do that. It may be as simple as completing a form or replying to an email. That is step 1; to read what they send, and do what it says. Secondly, well…wait. Easier said than done. Expect that you are not going to hear either way on admission until after May 1. Some schools, and often the extremely selective, will go to their wait list in late April, but that’s the exception, not the rule. Most start working the wait list in early May and it can continue well into the summer. So set your expectations on that time frame. It’s not going to be late March and likely not mid-April. Grab a snack. Text a friend. You have time here.

What should you NOT do? Stalk the admission office. Showing up unannounced, calling every day, sending more than one letter or postcard… it’s not effective.

Next week I’ll be writing more on the wait list.  For now, just two words: BE COOL.  You got this.

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Denied or Deferred Admission? Perspective is a precious holiday gift.

We aren’t sending Christmas cards this year. Normally, we drag the kids out to a park somewhere, force them to wear festive clothing, and pack their weight in snacks to get through a one hour session. Last year I was literally so worn out from picking them up, coaching them to smile or keep still, or to contort their bodies in some unnatural positions while tossing leaves, that I had to stop for a hamburger on the way home. Crossfit may increase strength but family pictures easily burn as many calories.

So this year, instead of that miserable experience, we’re just cobbling together some pictures from the year and sending Happy New Year cards. Buys some time and saves some heartache, so it’s a win-win. As we were looking through pictures to use, I found one from 2015 that I really liked. “We can’t use that one. It’s not from this year,” my wife protested. “Yeah, but it’s so good, and most people haven’t seen it. We all still basically look the same,” I asserted. That last comment sunk me because both our kids have grown several inches since that time. Probably should not have pushed my luck or stretched my argument there.  But, unlike small children who DO change dramatically in a year’s time, college admission (for better or worse) DOES NOT.

Moving Forward After ED and EA Decisions

Last week a number of schools across the country released Early Decision or Early Action decisions. I heard a good bit about this from friends via text, social media, and email over the weekend. “What should I tell her? She’s crushed.” “Do you think it’s worth doing the deferred form or should we just move on?” “Will visiting in January help our chances? We can book a trip to Boston over the MLK weekend.” And the beat goes on.

So while I may be keeping my Christmas cards purely 2016, last year I wrote two blogs in December that I think are relevant this week. 

1) Deferred? Check out The D Word. This walks you through key next steps and gives you some healthy perspective: “You are not denied. Finish the drill. Check your ego.”

2) If you were denied, take a look at It’s Not You, It’s Me.   “You are not okay… but you WILL be okay. Time to refocus.”

If you remember nothing else, remember this: admission decisions are just that. They are limited. They are finite. They are not sweeping judgments of your value or character.  They don’t change who you were the moment before you received that letter or opened that portal, and more importantly they don’t dictate who you will be and can be in the future. You’re disappointed. You’re mad or frustrated or angry or sad. All of those feelings are understandable and legitimate.

Last December thousands (literally!) of students were denied and deferred from the nation’s elite schools. They felt the same way you do now. You probably know some of them and remember that time. And where are they now? They’re on some of those exact campuses after being deferred. Or they’re happy at another school after being denied.  As I said last year, “Go ahead and scream, cry, talk to your parents… beat your pillow, or cook something. Do whatever it takes for you to begin to move on and clear you head.” But don’t let these decisions ruin your holidays. Don’t let them disrupt precious time with family. Don’t let them keep you from some good naps or from getting out to the movies or hanging out with friends.

And most of all, don’t let them put any doubt whatsoever into your mind about your talents, your abilities, and your confidence.

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Lessons from the Election

Note: Next week we will get back to talking about fantasy football. But for now we’re calling an audible and saying it’s halftime, because it’s important we deal in reality. And the reality is the last week has been terrible. (How’s that for an intro?)

The dramatic election Tuesday was followed by turbulence and fall out on social media, in personal conversations, and in the press. I have had a lifetime of preparation for this kind of division. See, I grew up in a split household. My mom is about as liberal as they come: raised in the northeast by parents who both worked at Princeton, she took us to help at a homeless shelter as soon as we were old enough to volunteer. She is pro-choice, advocates for gay rights, and will be in Washington for the Women’s March in January. Conversely, my dad was raised by a widowed hairdresser, served in Vietnam, and ran his own small business until he sold it a few years ago. Fiscally conservative and socially conservative, his motto is “keep the government out of my business.”

When we were kids, they’d come to the breakfast table on Election Day, raise their coffee cups and say, “Okay, let’s go cancel each other out.” Their differences extend well past politics. She’s an extrovert, while he’s an introvert. He loves the beach and the sun, and she would be happy if it never warmed up past 75 degrees. They are the first hit when you search Wikipedia for “opposites attract.”

Their marriage has not always been easy. But I always saw effort, forgiveness, and an acknowledgment of their own faults. And that’s what led to reconciliation.

A House Divided…

This election was filled with some of the most divisive rhetoric of any in modern American history.  And those lines have only been reinforced as the pollsters and press dissect how America voted: urban vs. rural, black vs. white, rich vs. poor, educated vs. uneducated. Regardless of who, if anyone, you supported, emotions are swirling: surprise, excitement, bemusement, vindication, fear, or some combination of these and many others.

In 1858 Abraham Lincoln addressed his Republican colleagues in reference to the pressing issue of slavery and said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.” In talking and listening to friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, and random people on the train, the concern for our nation is palpable. There seems to be a dearth of empathy and a plethora of anxiety; an abundance of fear of the future;  a lack of faith in the inevitability of unity; not to mention a lot of finger pointing and too little hand shaking.

Certainty in Uncertain Times

In uncertain times, there is solace in remembering some things have NOT changed, and recalling the things you can count on in the future.  As election season gives way to admission decision season, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Things are going to happen in life that you did not “vote for,” and that you cannot control. You may be denied or deferred from the college you really wanted to attend. Or you may get in to your dream school but not get a financial package that you can afford. If (or more likely when) one of these things happen, it’s understandable that you may need a week to cry, scream, mope, curse, or question. But ultimately, you have to shake that off. Keep working and have confidence in yourself. And it’s important to remember that you shouldn’t do that alone. Share your frustrations with friends and family, but also lean on them, listen to them, and learn from them as you move forward.

You will see someone get in who you don’t think is the “right” or “most qualified” person. We see and hear this every year in the admission process. “Well, they only got in because they are <<insert group here>>, or from <<insert school or state here>>.” “She got that scholarship because she’s  X (or had a Y) and I didn’t because I’m Z.” Broad generalizations like these are essentially saying  “Well, that’s the way THEY are.” And that, my friends, is divisiveness. I think it’s important to note that Lincoln’s speech was quoting from the Bible. In the original text, the “house” was not a not a nation but a person’s soul and character. Open your laptop, check a few trending hashtags, or go sit on a park bench and listen. You’ll see why those types of broad categorizing statements are toxic. Saying it’s a slippery slope is not even accurate–this is a cliff you tumble off, taking the character and achievements you’ve worked so hard to build and throwing them into an abyss.

I’m coming out of the fog and muck of last week. I have an advantage by working at a college. Walking across campus yesterday, listening to conversations in the dining hall, and sitting down to talk with students from all over the nation and the world has brought me much needed encouragement.

What Awaits You in College

I can’t tell you which campaign promises will be kept or abandoned or adapted. But what is certain, and what I hope provides you great excitement and optimism, is what awaits you in your college experience.

  1. College will continue to be a place that seeks students who want to learn. Students who ask why and how; who want to make the world around them now and in the future better, safer, and more interesting.
  2. College will continue to be a place that draws students with diverse thoughts, passions, and interests. Students who commit to one another; who seek to understand one another; who know that learning from their differences and tapping into everyone’s strengths and talents will allow them to collectively solve problems.
  3. College will continue to be a place that cheers together in athletic victory, cries together in campus tragedies, studies together in the wee hours of the morning, and ultimately embraces each other on graduation stages and in life well beyond its gates.

Wedged between election season and admission decision season is Thanksgiving. I hope you will use this time as a respite; a time to be reminded of and surrounded by the things and people who bring you rest, joy, and assurance.

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Olympic Gymnastics and College Admissions– NOT FAIR!!!

It’s Not Fair!!

I’ve been watching the Olympics a lot lately both at home and in the office (don’t worry tax payers, I’m only viewing at lunch, or when slowly meandering past the lobby TV, or perhaps occasionally on the split screen desktop– what can I say, I’m a multitasker).

The other night Gabby Douglas placed 3rd in the Women’s Gymnastics All-Around qualifying. Third out of 24 (Top 12%). But because she finished behind her two American teammates, she was not able to advance to defend her 2012 Gold medal. She smoked the rest of the field and certainly could have edged out either of her two teammates in the actual medal round, if given the chance– but no dice. She was out.gabby

This is a young woman who grew up blowing away the competition in her home gym and school. She was quickly the best in her state, region, and ultimately climbed to national prominence. But this year, based on the most slight movements and judgments in the Olympics, she would have to watch from the sideline. And that’s when my wife stormed out of the room railing about the crappy Olympic rules and reiterating things like, “it’s not fair” and “that sucks” as she went upstairs to bed.

I just kept sipping my drink. Because, you know what, it all seemed very familiar to me (cough… college admission). She’s right though. It’s not fair. It does suck. World-class athletes get edged out of their pursuit for an Olympic dream all along the way– in trials, in nationals, and yes even right at the very last moment by .04 by her own teammate.

Here’s the thing though– she signed up for it! Gabby knew how good the other Olympians would be. She’s trained with, supported and pushed Simone Biles and Aly Raisman, along with her other US teammates to improve over the last few years. Would she have lost a night’s sleep before competing at her state tournament? Absolutely not. She’d probably have stayed out late the night before eating Cheetos and playing Pokemon Go. Then she would have waltzed in, closed her eyes, and still sailed to first place. But on this stage- at this level- she knew that coming in 3rd and having to cheer on her teammates in the medal round was a possibility.

Admission Perspective

Only about 20 colleges in our nation have admit rates of 12% or less. If you are applying to one of these, and frankly, if you are applying to a school taking 33% or less, you need to understand that getting edged out is a distinct possibility.  Is that fair? Does that suck? If your answer to both is “Yes” right now, you have some work to do:

  1. Consider: You are signing up for that uncertainty and possible disappointment. You may be among the best in your high school, county, or even state, but that does not guarantee admittance when the field is this strong. You may have 18 relatives who have attended or been wearing that schools gear since you were in diapers, but in that year, for that college, and based on where you’re from or what you want to study, or what the school is emphasizing or de-emphasizing (Institutional Priorities)– and most importantly the rest of the competition, you may not get admitted. Can your ego handle that? Can your parents handle that? Gabby was absolutely frustrated, sad, and upset. But she gathered herself, cheered on her teammates and then pulled it together to win other medals in the Rio Games. That choice is on you, too.
  2. Back-up: Every year we read stories of students who “got in to every Ivy League school.” While many marvel and inevitably some TV station broadcasts this “success” in awe, my normal response is they wasted a lot of money, because those place are so different from each other that clearly the student did not do their homework on the college search. OR (and more likely) they or someone around them have an incredibly big ego, so thank goodness they did not apply to Tech. Following that I am thinking, “I know it worked out, but I sure hope they had at least one “foundation” or “in- profile school” on their list. No matter how high your GPA, number of APs, test scores or others opinions of you, you need at least one non-Olympic school on your list.

Georgia Tech Olympics

BRONZE: We often get calls from counselors or parents who says that Tech was the only school a student applied to. Will you re-consider your denial because now it’s late March and all other deadlines have expired? Sip. You signed up for that.

SILVER: We also get calls from parents or counselors or principals/headmasters about a brilliant student who applied only to (insert your five to seven crazy elite schools here) and was denied or waitlisted to all of them. It’s now early April and she’s scrambling for an admit. “This is a great kid. I know you would have taken her if she’d applied in Regular because she’s right in your profile.” Sip. At that point, we’ve already handed out our medals too. “Games” over, friends.6 year snap

GOLD: Take a look at this application and admit rate chart. Imagine two siblings are applying to Tech. One in 2012 and one in 2016. Same classes, same grades, same Model UN coach and same summer job. But in those four years the competition rose significantly and the class size stayed the same. The bar went up drastically based on the other applicants in the pool, or field, or whatever Olympic/Admission analogy you choose to use here.

Listen, I get the desire to compete at the highest level. I applaud that. I also see the attraction to applying to one of the small set of schools in our nation that take basically 1/10. Big reputation. Beautiful campuses. Successful alumni. Parents love the bumper sticker. Not hating on that aspiration, so don’t misunderstand me. I’m just saying you don’t always know what the judges may be looking for in that competition, and that there are a lot of Simones and Alys in those applicant pools. That’s all I have to say about not getting “Gabby Douglased” in the admission process.

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