Category: Parents

5th Annual College Admissions Preparation Day

Re-upping this blog based on a few recent conversations with college and neighborhood friends who have kids in the admission process right now. Instead of texting or calling individually, I’ll just be forwarding this. You may call it impersonal– I call it efficient. Po-tay-toe, Po-taa-toe! 

Regardless, if you are a senior, or you are currently supporting one, I hope you will READ ON!

Text: “My daughter was deferred. We were SHOCKED! What does that really mean?” (FYI this was another school’s decision. If you are waiting on EA decisions from Tech, you have not missed anything.)

My first thought was, “Really? You were shocked? You know their profile and admit rate.” My second thought was, “I’ll deal with this on Monday,” and I put my phone on do not disturb (because that’s the kind of friend I am).

About 30 minutes later I was talking to another friend. He has one kid in college and two still in high school. He told me that after watching his older son go through the admission process he has been telling his current high school senior who is applying to colleges to be prepared to hear “no.” The dichotomy between these two approaches was both striking and instructive. More importantly, it made me realize we need to add another key date to the admission calendar.

August 1- Many colleges open their application.

October 1- FAFSA opens.

November 1- EA/ED Deadlines at lots of colleges and universities.

May 1- National Deposit Deadline.

PreparationSo, by the power vested in me (which is none, by the way) I pronounce December 1 as National Preparation Day!

By or on this day, henceforth, any high school senior applying Early Action or Early Decision to a college with an admit rate of less than 50 percent must put their hand on a large, preferably leather-bound book of some kind and take this pledge:

“I, (state your name), being of sound (though overly caffeinated) mind and (sleep-deprived) body, do hereby swear that I will not presume anything in the admission process. Upon advice of my wizened counselor sages, I acknowledge that I will not look at middle 50 percent ranges and expect that my scores, though in the top quartile, guarantee my admittance.

I will not look at middle 50 percent ranges of hitherto admitted classes and expect my scores, though in the bottom quartile, will be overlooked based on my amazing essay, parents’ connections, pictures of me in a onesie from that college, or the 12 letters of recommendation that have been sent on my behalf.

I understand the heretofore explicated concept of holistic admission is neither fair nor perfect, wherein I will likely not agree with, nor be capable of predicting all results, despite the complex algorithms I employ or the kingdom fortune tellers I visit.

Furthermore, I agree that I will not view an admission decision as an indictment of my character, a judgment on my hitherto demonstrated preparation, nor a prediction of my future success.”

Note: Slightly misused Olde English conjunctions does not negate the spirit nor effectiveness of this pledge.

So What Does Defer Mean?

Back to my friend who’s daughter was deferred… what does defer actually mean, and what do you do with that decision?

It means you have some work to do.

You need to send in your fall grades. You may need to write an additional essay or tell the admission committee more about your senior year extracurricular activities. Defer is a “hold on.” It is a “maybe.” Don’t like those characterizations? Fine—call it “tell us more.” They will be looking at how you’ve done in a challenging senior schedule, or if your upward grade trend will continue, or if you can juggle more responsibility outside the classroom with your course load. Bottom line is you have work to do. Are you going to get admitted in the next round? No promises. But if getting deferred is what helps keep you focused and motivated, you should look at their decision as a good thing. Finish well.

It means you may need to submit another application or two. 

If you’ve already got this covered, that’s great. You were ahead of Preparation Day. If not, then good news—many great schools have deadlines in January. The bottom line is you need applications in at a few schools with higher admit rates and lower academic profiles than the one that deferred you.

It means holistic review is a real thing.

If your scores and grades are above their profile and they defer you, they only proved what they said in their publications and presentations—admission is about more than numbers. At Georgia Tech we are knee-deep in application review. We have not released decisions, but day in and day out we are slating students for defer who have ACT scores of 35 or 36 and great grades. Is that “shocking?” It shouldn’t be. Institutional priorities, shaping a class, and supply and demand drive admission decisions. Similarly, if your scores are in the middle or below their profile, a defer also proves decisions are made using more than just numbers.

It means you need to check your ego and wait.

Does that sound harsh? Sorry—but sometimes, life is harsh. This is why you should take the pledge. It’s why have formally added Preparation Day to the admission calendar. Take the Pledge(Someone update the NACAC website!) If you are prepared for “no,” then a defer will not rock you as bad. Admission decisions feel personal. How could they not? Nobody loves spending a few more months in limbo. But this is not about you. This is about schools who are hedging their bets and wanting to evaluate you in context of their overall pool. Kind of sucks. I get it. But too many students do not send in fall grades, complete the deferred form, or send other information schools ask for because they’ve never heard of a “maybe” ( perhaps the first they’ve ever heard). Think of the admission experience as your first foray into your college years and start looking at maybes as good things. If you liked a school enough to apply, finish the drill. Give them reasons to admit you in the next round. It is called an admission process. There are rounds for a reason. Don’t go halfway and stop.

It means you need to look forward, not backward.

I was not going to text my friend back and say defer means to “put off or delay,” but technically that is the definition. For you it means to look forward to something in the future. DO NOT look back! DO NOT second guess whether you should have taken AP Geography in the ninth grade instead of band, or blame Mr. Thompson for giving you an 89 instead of a 93 that would have bumped your GPA by .00083. This is your MARTA bus moment.

It means control what you can control. 

People want so desperately to predict and analyze admission decisions that are influenced by macro institutional goals and made in rooms they will never enter. Defer means stay focused on the micro. This is your one and only senior year.  Do well—but more importantly do good. Don’t worry about those rooms hundreds of miles away, but rather the ones you walk into every day. Be a good friend. Be a good sibling. Be a good teammate. Go thank a teacher that wrote a recommendation for you. Hug your mama.

December 1 is here. Preparation Day. Take the pledge.

Listen to Preparation Day on the College Admission Brief podcast!: Spreaker | Spotify | Apple Podcasts

College Admission is about Celebration!

On three giant Post- It notes on the wall outside my office we have the words: CELEBRATE YOUR WINS. 

This is our tangible reminder to pause, reflect, and acknowledge when you accomplish a goal or see success. 

College admission is often described as a “cycle,” and for those who do this work, it is an endless one. You work to recruit a class, review applications, make decisions, convince students to choose your school, and it can easily spin and blur together.   

At Georgia Tech, we try to find logical points to stop and celebrate; to consider what it has taken to achieve goals; and to high five or fist bump in recognition of our collective wins. 

If you are a senior in high school (or an adult supporting one), I’m encouraging you to do the same. As I’ve said many times, the college admission search, application, and selection is not a “process” as journalists or others would have you believe. Instead, it is an experience. It should be a time of exploration, growth, challenge, and yes… CELEBRATION!   

Celebrate Submission

After each application you submit, I hope you will take a deep breath, a big drink of water, allow yourself to smile, and appreciate what you have accomplished.  

Think about everything you included on that application- four years of classes and grades, testing, extensive involvement outside the classroom, and your essays and supplemental responses. Man- that is a lot! Now is not the time to question if you’ve done enough or worry about how it will be received on the other side. Instead, THIS is a time to CELEBRATE!  

What makes you really smile? What brings you joy? Whatever that is, do that now. A meal, a movie, a new jacket, a run, or a hike? You do you! But DO NOT just move on. Do not just go back to class or head to the next practice without intentionally celebrating.   

Parents and supporting adults always ask, “What should be our role in college admission?” or “How can I best support my student?”  This is it, people. Now is not the time to secretly wish their essay had been on a different topic or that they hadn’t applied to your alma mater’s biggest rival. Now is the time for full support and celebration. You know them best, so make it happen.  

Celebrate Submission!  

Celebrate Admission 

I hear too many students get into a college and say, “Yea. But it is just the University of X.” C’mon, man. You applied there. You worked hard to assemble an application– and you paid to send it in. Now you’ve been offered a spot. AMAZING!

That school wants you. That community could be a great home for you. This is an invitation and an opportunity. Trust me- there are thousands of kids who wish they could go there.  

And look- the entire goal here is to have choices and options. YOU just got another one. That is awesome. I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too. Don’t let a school’s ranking or admit rate diminish your excitement. When you get into any college, whether it was your “first choice” or not, you celebrate. Honestly, I can’t believe I even have to write this. Who doesn’t want a chance to get excited about something?!  

Celebrate Admission! 

Celebrate Foundation (best I could come up with, but here’s a list of “ion” words, if you find something better). 

Every time you hit submit and send in an app or get into a college, be reminded that you did not get there alone. Somebody drove you to school and practice. Somebody taught and coached you. Somebody paid for stuff and made sacrifices along the way on your behalf. You are great, YES. But you have been made great by a collective effort and consistent investment. The support that enabled your admission needs to be recognized and valued. 

Take time to look around and say thank you. Perhaps that is a teacher, a coach, a parent, a relative, a boss… or all of the above. This is not text time, friends. I’m going to challenge you to step it up here. Think about writing an actual note or making a phone call to these people. Can you imagine the surprise of your 4th grade teacher when you show up and tell her that you’ve realized she’s a big reason for the opportunities you have now? 

Celebrate Foundation!  

College admission is not something you have to do. You get to do this! CELEBRATE. YOUR. WINS!!  

College Admissions Magic Wand

I have been overcommitted in the last few weeks. Apparently, months ago when I agreed to these programs and presentations, I either did not realize they were all bunched together, or I forgot that April in Admissions Land is chaos.  

Ironically, while the audience sizes, venue locations, and Zoom formats have varied, the closing question has been ubiquitous: “What is one last thing you would like to say to parents or students?” Or as it was put on a panel last week, “If you had an admission magic wand, what would you change?”  

FYI- I do have an admission badge, an admission nametag, plenty of random admission swag from conferences (mousepads, stress balls, buttons, etc.), but a magic wand? Apparently, no Ed Tech vendor has come up with that one…yet.   

NametagIn the interest of time, I’ll spare you the normal 45-minute presentation and the 37 accompanying slides and cut right to hypothetical ABRACADABRA!  

For Students. If I could mind control all college applicants, I’d instill in them an unwavering belief that all of this is going to work out in the end. Maybe not in December or March or even May, but eventually. Anyone who has watched this cycle repeat itself for more than five or so years will attest to this fact: Kids are like cats- they always land on their feet. In many cases they do have nine admission lives, and honestly, have you seen what they eat? Cats, I say.  

No, you don’t always get into your first choice. No, the money does not always come through. Sometimes you get deferred or waitlisted or are forced to endure the vicious combo of both, and end up waiting months to know how it’s all going to resolve. So, I’d plant in them an unfathomable amount of patience and confidence.  

Forget Beer Goggles. I’d give them Admission Lenses that allows them to see their future self happy, surrounded by friends, and thriving on a college campus (not necessarily the one they currently envision) in a few months. I’d give them special earplugs and blinders to tune out the ridiculous garbage, misinformation, and disinformation that swirls around them online, sometimes from loving but anxious parents, and definitely from opportunistic forces simply trying to fan the flames of stress to get paid.  

For Parents/Supporting Adults (waves wand)

PRESTO! Early and honest conversations about money. In April, lots of juniors are visiting campus and seniors are making final college decisions, so there is constant talk about money, finances, loans, and scholarships. In an attempt to cut through the noise, I interviewed John Leach, the AVP for University Financial Aid at Emory University, and I’m hopeful you will listen to that here.  While the entire podcast is about 30 mins, I can boil it down to three words—TALK MONEY EARLY!  

Many parents I’ve met over the years have felt their job (and the greatest gift they can give their kids is to pay for any college). That is misguided and patently false. The biggest gift parents can give their kids, when it comes to paying for college, is to be as proactive and honest as possible about what you can and/or are willing to pay. John covers all of this in the podcast and does so in a clear, cogent, and compelling way. Since I don’t actually have a magic wand, I sincerely hope you’ll listen. 

Bonus: Don’t talk to parents of other high school students about college admission, and instead consult parents of current college students, or recent college graduates. Other parents with kids in high school often have just enough information to sound informed but frequently serve to proliferate inaccuracy and consternation– “You know the valedictorian three years ago did not get into….” and “It’s easier to get in from (insert a local or rival private/public high school here), because they have don’t have (insert grading scale, curriculum, or random nuance here)….like we do.”

My magic would have you walk away, dismiss, change the subject, delete/block social media accounts, and be fully impenetrable to those comments which bring inevitable and unnecessary stress.

In contrast, parents who are one chapter ahead invariably provide perspective, levity, insight, and sanity. They are far less prone to exaggeration, and can be incredibly raw and honest in their evaluation. “She was crushed when she did not get into Stanvard, but went to QSU instead. This spring she’s graduating and has a great job lined up.”  

In the end, there are no admission magic wands or quick fixes or panaceas. The admission experience can be challenging, stressful, and humbling. That’s not all bad. And it can also teach valuable lessons about communication, patience, self-confidence, and resilience that will last into college and life well beyond. I don’t have any tricks, but I do have hope. And that’s what I leave you with.   

The Role of Parents/Caregivers in College Admission

My daughter’s birthday party was last Friday. Long story short, it involved a frenzied and surprisingly competitive neighborhood- wide scavenger hunt, copious amounts of half- eaten pizza slices, a sugar fueled late-night living room dance party, and periodic tween screaming that hit notes any soprano would commend. Good times were had and only one slight injury occurred. I mainly just supplied food, cleaned up, and sought refuge when the music started.

Somewhere amidst the generally controlled chaos, Elizabeth opened presents from her friends, which I discovered based on the strewn pieces of wrapping paper and gift receipts I found in corners of the living room the next day. “So, what did you get?” She rattled off a few of the gifts and proudly displayed her new “cozy Christmas socks,” which she’d apparently slept in.

“But you know what I’m most excited about, right?!” she asked breaking into a grin.

Yep! When are y’all going?

“TODAY! I can’t wait!” eyes brightening, smile widening.

Me: What are you going to get?

“I HAVE NO IDEA!” a smile seeming to reach full capacity.

Why are you yelling?

Same response. Same exuberance.

Each year after Christmas, my aunt has a tradition of taking Elizabeth out for lunch and shopping for something she wanted but did not get, or later realized she was interested in. This year my mom decided a similar experience would be the best birthday gift she could give.

These two are like peas in a pod. Despite a 60-year age difference, they have a ton in common. They just get each other. “Get each other” as in Elizabeth regularly says, “I want to go live with Oma.” It’s sweet on most days, moderately offensive on others, and tempting to look into occasionally.

What Elizabeth loves about these shopping trips is that she gets to choose the music they play in the car, select the restaurant they go to for lunch, where to shop, and what item she ultimately wants. In the end, neither the meal nor the gift end up being extravagant- Moe’s and a sweatshirt to give you a recent example. But it’s the freedom. The choices. And the time together. She LOVES it!

Shopping!!

When Oma showed up, her first question was, “So, where do you want to go?” She was open and excited about their time together. On that particular day, Elizabeth knew exactly where she wanted to go to lunch, and she had a few stores in mind to check out, but generally she was just looking for “jeans.”

Jeans. Especially right now this is a broad category- “Mom” jeans, skinny jeans, tailored fit, athletic fit, I’m sure Google and Instagram would provide another five categories easily. And then you have length, color, material, buttons, zippers, rips, location of rips, size of rips, and that’s before you talk about cost, brand, etc. Ultimately, they went to two or three stores and Elizabeth scanned the racks, tried on a variety of jeans, and weighed her options. Ultimately, she was torn between a few options and wanted my mom’s opinion to make help her final decision.

I’ll admit I find it moderately disturbing that as they were relaying their day to me the first thing I thought about was this blog, which is clearly a me problem. But it is true. Over the years, on panels or webinars, I’ve heard countless responses from colleagues to the question, “What is the role of parents in the college admission experience?” Inevitably, you’ll hear analogies about driver and passenger or pilot and co-pilot. But the longer I do this work, and the older my own kids get, the more convinced I am that the role of a parent/caregiver is a lot like my mom’s trip to lunch and shopping with my daughter for her birthday. And it all centers around choices and options.

Openness, Excitement, and Curiosity

My daughter knew my mom was excited about the adventure of driving around, seeing what they might discover, giving her opinion but honoring Elizabeth’s unique style and interests, and asking questions so they could ultimately find the jeans that “fit” her best. As a parent, especially while your student is in the sophomore and junior year, my hope is you will commit to a similar posture. Vigilantly ask questions, consistently observe, and really listen to what they are saying they want/need. Help them research and learn about the many schools where they could thrive and be open to visiting a wide variety of campuses. Let go of any stereotypes or dated reputations you may be holding onto. You know them best as a person and a learner, so trust your gut rather than rankings or the opinions of others when it comes to creating a list of schools to visit or apply to.

Don’t miss the final part of the story. Ultimately, Elizabeth wanted my mom’s opinion because she had been given the freedom to choose. As parents, of course we want to be consulted and weigh in. But the ability to provide that final input starts by holding back and in the beginning.

Your Presence is the Gift

Does that section heading sound a little cheesy? In this season of gift giving, hope, and thankfulness, I’m good with that because it is true. As I’ve said directly and have proven through my errant predictions on this blog over the years, there are many things I don’t know or understand. But what two decades of working in education and having two kids of my own has taught me is that parents and caregivers love their kids. We want to provide for them and see them happy. Often, we convince ourselves that revolves around a particular outcome, i.e., something they need to get/do/be, so we attempt to control the outcome or steer things in a particular direction.

On the shopping trip, in contrast, the adventure together was as much of the gift as the jeans they ultimately purchased. When Elizabeth and my mom came home that day, they were giddy—laughing, talking about what they had done and seen, and as excited about their time as they were about the purchase.

All metaphors break down eventually, and while I thought this one was pretty good, I also acknowledge that college admission can be stressful or tense because it combines money, deadlines, periods of uncertainty, and the inevitable beginning of a new chapter for everyone. But it also provides families an opportunity to grow closer through the shared experience.

Lots of admission decisions have recently come out, or soon will be in the weeks and months ahead. If your student is deferred, denied, or waitlisted, you are not going to have all the answers or be able to guarantee how everything will resolve. But you do have an opportunity to remind them that you love them, you are proud of them, you are for them, and you are there for them. Your presence is the gift. In the end, how they end up going to college, and the way you build your relationship with them this year, is far more important than where they ultimately go to school.

The Role of Parents/Caregivers in College Admission

As a parent, the good news is you have been down this road before. So many of the decisions and sacrifices you have made over time have been to set your child up for having short- and long-term choices and options. The truth is that this is just one more chapter in that relationship story. Stay open, curious, excited, and most importantly- simply present.

So, the next time I’m on a panel or webinar and the question about the role of a parent/caregiver comes up, be assured I’m refencing this blog series. I am convinced that what colleges want, the blueprint for students, and the ultimate focus of parents is the same—Choices and Options.

Time to Shine

This week we welcome Regional Director of Admission for the Mid Atlantic, Kathleen Voss, to the blog. Welcome, Kathleen!

Do you remember the episode of Modern Family when Phil and Claire drop Haley off at college?  They are OVER the top all day, even wearing “Haley Dunphy Moving Company” t-shirts. Haley is mortified and begs her dad to take off the t-shirt lest they be judged by all the other kids and their families moving into the residence hall. Other embarrassing antics happen throughout the episode, and as Phil and Claire sit in silence on their drive home, Haley calls and tells them she loves them and thanks them. The audience sees she is wearing her “Haley Dunphy Moving Company” t-shirt. Not a dry eye in the house.

As you may recall, my daughter starts college this fall. This past weekend her dad, sister, and I traveled 3.5 hours south to her new home.  I should have known when my husband and youngest daughter started getting carsick as we bobbed and weaved over the country and mountain roads that a Century City-produced college drop-off was NOT in the cards for us.

One Last Hoorah

As an attempt to bring us all together for one last hurrah before the big day (think Oliver Stone assembling the cast to experience basic training before he started shooting Platoon).  I organized a family trip to a lovely, local hotel near the university.  It had been the site of a famous movie, starring an 80’s heartthrob, the perfect preamble to our College Drop-Off Spectacular!

Unfortunately, while a beautiful spot, the first raindrop fell as we unpacked the car, and the torrents began soon after. The scenes of family hikes to waterfalls and loving, heartfelt conversations sitting poolside would have to be reshot. EASY! We would just move the location into the hotel room.

While well appointed, the room was small and since my husband had forgotten his CPAP machine at home (queue sound effects), none of us had gotten much sleep the night before (nor did we the entire time). Tensions on the set were running high and the constant questions I peppered my college-bound daughter with (“Did you get your room pin?” “Do you know where we need to park?” “How long do we have to actually move in?”  “Do they have carts or dollies?”) were soon met with an 18-year old’s wrath, which includes rolling eyes and deep exasperated breaths that started in her toes and rumbled through her rib cage … Stanislavski would be proud!

The supporting cast was just as motivated! Not to be outperformed, the 13-year-old commentary, (“GAAAAWDDD Mom! Can’t you talk about something else?” “I’m BORED” “The Wi-Fi sucks here” and “Can we get ice cream?” for the 200th time) was just as impactful. My script writer really deserves a raise.

Move-In Day

At last, the time came for move-in.  The costumes were chosen with care (seriously, my husband chose a “move in” costume. “It must be lightweight, breathable, easy to get around in. Maybe coveralls? I should also wear closed-toe shoes… did I bring my Carhartts?”). We made our way into the crowd of fellow thespians to the 10th floor of a tower that was built the year I was born.  And believe me, no hair and make-up team were going to make IT or I, look any younger.

We got to the door and waited and waited some more. Someone, who prefers to remain nameless, never got their pin (I know, I can’t believe it either). So, a trip down the elevator, a visit to the RA desk and back up we went.  As we entered the prop closet… I mean dorm room; the REAL fun began. It immediately became a race to the Academy Awards, each actor outdoing the next in testing exactly how HIGH emotions could get. Crying? Check. Swearing? Check. Check. Shouting? Check. Luckily, the four fans that my husband had set up across the room “to maximize airflow” DID help drain out the volume of our dialogue. At least we hope it did.

Time to Say “So Long”

After three hours of lofting and un-lofting beds, moving bookcases and desks, dusting, unpacking far too many clothes, storing luggage, and cutting open vacuum-packed rugs and mattress pads (a must by the way) we had successfully dressed the set. And it was time to say goodbye.

The Director had envisioned this final scene in her mind in the weeks leading up to our departure. I would hold it together, share a sage word or two of final wisdom, pull out a starched, lace handkerchief (or Kleenex, probably easier) to dab at that tear on my cheek, hug the main character close, wish her well, offer a loving goodbye and then drive off down the tree-lined, college lane.

The Kleenex part will probably make it into the final episode, but the ugly crying, weeping, sobbing, and seemingly never-ending nose blowing that followed, will be left on the cutting room floor. I pulled it together about an hour from our house.

I was thinking about that Modern Family episode. Phil had left Haley a book with advice and “dad-isms.” My favorite was, “never be afraid to reach for the stars, because even if you fall, you’ll always be wearing your parent chute.” There was nothing left for me to do. My sweet, energetic, athletic, bright Star was ready to shine. On her own. I had seen the excitement in her eyes as we walked the campus and again as we said goodbye. I had felt the independence, like the pull of the sun, as she directed her dad where to put the unlofted/lofted/unlofted bed and suggested a spot for us to eat lunch.

And while I may not be ready, she is.  And the stage is hers.

Kathleen Voss has worked in college admission for over 25 years. She joined the Georgia Tech Office of Undergraduate Admission in 2013 as the Institute’s first Regional Director of Admission. Prior to Tech, Kathleen worked regionally for Manhattan College and as the Associate Director of Admission for Regis College in Massachusetts. She is a member of PCACAC and serves on the Admission Practices Committee. She enjoys spending time with her husband and two daughters and volunteering in her community.