It has taken me a long while to be able to interact with people in any proper way. I was diagnosed with autism before my final year of middle school after teachers were worried about my sudden habit of skipping homework. My history teacher was far too kind. I was told by my newly assigned special needs teacher during the final semester that she had dropped many of my missed assignments because she was sure that I was a much better student than those grades would have shown and was sure I deserved to graduate on time. I think up until now I’ve been trying to understand people. I couldn’t understand why homework was important. I couldn’t understand why she was so sure.
Going into high school, things just got worse. There were so many more people, and there was so much more energy. People were always yelling, or crying, or laughing. So much laughter. I never had much self-esteem. Being in an Asian family, I was raised to be humble and quiet. They were probably laughing at me, because I’m so worthless as a person, I thought. I didn’t think I could understand any of them.
I eventually stopped going to school, save for the academic team and the special needs class I was assigned to. Most everyone in the academic team liked me because I was so manically energetic, and I loved them because I could let loose around them. I’m not sure if I could say the same applied in the special needs classroom, but I liked being there because everyone was struggling in a similar way. One of the people in both of my special needs class has been one of my close friends to this day. I could understand one person at least.
I ended up dropping out of high school. The academic team’s sponsoring teacher was also too kind to me. She consulted with the competitions that we would go to, and since I was working towards my GED I could still play with everyone. Within the next year I was awarded that GED. I would soon be accepted to a local technical college. There were a lot more adults in that trade school. Maybe that’s why I started to talk to people more. They were all so used to making conversation about whatever was going on, I managed to just get swept into it sometimes.
After a couple more years I graduated from that local trade school. I started at a nearby academic college, working to transfer to a less prestigious college than Georgia Tech. It took a while, but there I gradually started to become more comfortable just being around people. Maybe it was because everyone was just as unsure. Eventually, I ended up only sending a transfer application to Georgia Tech after encouragement from classmates and professors. I was rejected. I ended up applying to transfer to Georgia Tech again a year later under a specific transfer program. This time I ended up sending one to Kennesaw State as well. I thought I couldn’t make it. I did.
Right before I started my first semester at Georgia Tech I started my first part time job at a retail store. So many people would tell horror stories about retail work. To be honest, I quite liked it. It was like a practice run on socializing to be able to talk to customers. There was never any worry that my conversation was unfounded. If they were talking to me, it was because the had a question or a request. If a coworker wanted to talk to me, it was because they wanted to make conversation during a slow day.
So that bring us to the past year. I started living on campus for the first time. Looking back on it, I don’t think I could have seen myself becoming the person I am now. I know everyone on my floor in some capacity. I found myself introducing myself to so many more people. It’s kind of funny. A few people thought I was an RA since I was trying to learn their names. I couldn’t honestly tell you that I understand people now. I can tell you that I want to keep trying to. Now that I’m in my senior year, I finally understand my middle school history teacher. Although, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to graduate on time here at Tech.
