I am the mom of an 8-year-old child. Recently I was speaking with a new potential babysitter who had come over for a get-to-know-my-kid playdate, and we were making small talk over Legos. I knew she was a senior in high school. I almost – almost – asked where she was applying to college and what she might want to major in at school. But I didn’t. Instead, I said, “I could ask you about college stuff, but I bet you get asked that a lot. What are some things you like doing or what are you looking forward to this weekend?”
I could practically see the stress leave her body. I wasn’t grilling her on college stuff, and she was grateful. She opened up about her hobbies (very musical) and what she was doing for the weekend (going to the movies with friends, meeting her older brother for coffee). We had a great conversation. My child thinks she hung the moon. Both parties are really excited about this new babysitting gig. Win. Win.
The Best of Intentions
Soon, many of you will be navigating the holidays and winter break. That usually involves big meals with a side of college search interrogation for all those juniors and seniors in high school. At least I think that’s how it feels to many teenagers. Very well-meaning aunts, uncles, grandparents, neighbors, and friends will ask: Where are you applying to college? What do you want to do?
First, the well-meaning part is true. Those questions are usually coming from someone who cares about you (this bucket is filled with the bulk of your family and your parents’ friends). Questions from peers and acquaintances may be coming from a place of innocent curiosity, small talk, or possibly a place of insecurity – they may be checking in to see if their timeline and actions are in line with others.
In almost all cases, they are not trying to be nosey or judge you. You may be fine fielding these questions. They may make you nervous or defensive. They may just tire you out after the fifth, sixth, or seventh time someone asks you.
Whatever you are feeling, the responses below could be useful tools in your college search toolkit. They can be used for knowledge expansion, deflection, to buy you time to think, to deepen your relationships, or all the above. Win. Win.
“So! Where are you applying/thinking about applying to college?”
- I am trying to be thoughtful about my list. Everyone has strong feelings about it. If you had to go to college today, which ones would be on your list? Do you think you would have listed them when you were 17? What draws you to them now?
- It is crazy applying for college. Just a lot of pressure. What was it like for you?
- The Adam Grant approach: What was the worst advice anyone gave you during your college search? (Adam Grant is a social psychologist and he always asks podcast guests the worst advice they have received. It is so illuminating!)
- What do you wish you had asked or considered when you were looking at colleges?
- Was there something you were able to do at your college that you think every college student should do? Like studying abroad, an internship, research, a student group you loved?
- Do you work with college students at your job? What are they or the most entry team members doing?
- I am thinking about essay topics. Did you have to write one? Do you remember what it was about?
You will be amazed at how quickly the spotlight on you shifts to a conversation about another person’s history, values, and experiences. There are many, MANY colleges out there, and there are many successful people in the world who attended a wide variety of institutions. Don’t miss the opportunity to learn more.
A Consideration for Parents…
If you are a parent reading this, the following is for your consideration. One of my coworkers attended a family holiday party and the hosts had a teenage daughter. They passed out cards as guests entered that said, “We are so excited that Cassie is a senior! We want her to enjoy her last dinner as a high schooler, so ask her all about her recital, homecoming, winter break plans, but not her college list. We asked her to keep her list private, and we will have a celebratory announcement in spring to tell everyone where she is heading. It will be a fun surprise! Thanks to All!”
I LOVED this idea. The list of questions in this blog, the conversation cards at the party, they are all ways to be engaged, caring, and supportive of each other – while giving those juniors and seniors some mental breathing room. Different families and different cultures all have different ways of approaching decision making.
To be fair, attending college usually involves lots of people helping you get there, hence the saying, “it takes a village.” So, if you are a junior or a senior, take a deep breath over the winter break and try to allow your village to ask some questions because they care about you.
We hope you get some rest over the break and moments that fill your cup. We can’t wait to see you in the New Year!
Katie Mattli has worked in college admission for over 17 years. She joined Georgia Tech in 2014 and works with first-year recruitment initiatives. Her previous years at a private liberal arts college for women fueled her love of student leadership and advocacy. She cares deeply about transparency in the admission process and supporting students, families and student advocates as they navigate the college admission process.