Category: Parents

Navigating College Admissions: An UN-romantic Solution

I distinctly remember growing up and watching my parents have “Sunday night meetings.” They would bring their calendars (yep, hard copy with pencils) to the kitchen after we’d cleared the table to discuss the week ahead. When we were little, my sister and I really didn’t understand what they were doing. We were just glad they were occupied so we could pick whatever TV show we wanted to watch. In high school, I distinctly recall coming into the kitchen for a snack during study break, witnessing these logistical negotiations, and thinking, “If this is marriage, count me out.”

twain-quoteNow, however, I’m willing to concede the beauty and brilliance of the “Sunday night meeting,” because allocating that time allowed freedom. See, once they’d nailed down their own work schedules for the week and decided who was going to drive me and my sister to the games or performances or events, they didn’t have to talk about the details again. Listen, it still doesn’t sound romantic, but it gave them the rest of their week to talk about other things (presumably some of that was romantic, but these are my parents, and this is a family blog).

Application (no pun intended) to the Admission Process

As I watch more of my neighbors and friends with kids in high school (particularly during junior and senior year), it is clear that dispersed conversations and questions about scholarships, deadlines, essays, or plans to visit colleges often become a swirling, all-consuming mess. More importantly, they create unnecessary tension and division. Students feel like every time they come downstairs for a meal the “college talk” begins. Parents feel like their intelligent offspring has somehow lost the ability to string consecutive words together or convey ideas in multi-syllabic words.

Quick Quiz

Parents: Are you bringing up college options, deadlines, or test dates at a variety of unchecked times and days throughout the week?

Students: Test yourself: Do you frequently answer your parents’ sequential questions about college with: “Good,” “Okay,” “No,” “Huh?” Do you pretend like your phone is ringing and head for the car when mom asks, “Have you asked Mrs. Johnson for that rec yet?”

If the answer to any of these questions is “Yes,” I want to strongly encourage the implementation of the “Sunday Night Meeting.” Not necessarily on Sunday, but one consolidated time each week when college is on the proverbial– and perhaps literal– table.

 ground-rulesParents: You GET TO BRING brochures you’ve noticed in the mail. This is YOUR TIME to say, “Hey, look honey, the leaves are turning in South Bend. Isn’t it pretty?” You GET TO ASK, “Have you written your supplemental essays for SMU?” Or “Do you still want to take that trip to Maine to look at schools in November?” THIS IS YOUR TIME FOR: “Did you get your ACT results back?” Or “Is the University of Wisconsin psychology program highly ranked?” It’s all free game.

Students: You DON’T GET TO BRING your cell phone or really crunchy snacks. You DON’T GET to look at your shoes more than three times or for beyond six seconds. You have to FULLY ENGAGE in this conversation. I’m not going to be super obnoxious and give you a link to the definition of conversation or discussion in the dictionary, because you know what that looks like. ONE time a week… for only two hours (1/12 of that day!). You got this!

Outside of the “Sunday night meeting,” however, college talk is banned. Mom, dad: You drive past a car with a Princeton or Michigan State sticker. Not a peep. Sean next door gets accepted to Auburn or Colorado College, send a text in congratulations or post something online. Mute button is on at home.

Now, I get that it’s college football season. I have no problem with passionate support of your alma mater or understandable vitriol for your opponent. But that can’t transition to, “You’re not really going to apply there are you?” Or “Look at their fans. They just don’t look smart…”

Two Important Truths

  1. The reason your parents are bringing up college, asking you questions, and expressing their opinions is partly because they’re not convinced you are on it. If you answer their questions, show you have a plan, and demonstrate that you are making progress on applications and working towards deadlines, you’ll dramatically diminish the seemingly incessant nagging.
    truth
  2. It’s not nagging! It’s love. “Sunday night meetings” are not romantic. They weren’t then, and still aren’t now. But they are rooted in love. The time your parents take, the questions they ask, their desire to see things taken care of  is absolutely grounded in deep affection. They know you’re going to head off to college in the next year or two. There is some fear in that, and a lot of excitement. Every now and then they can’t believe you’re taking AP Biology or standing at over 6 feet tall. Somehow carpool lines and tricycles don’t seem like that long ago. Give ’em a break. Fear, excitement, love– these all warrant you being fully engaged. Two hours a week (1.1% of your week!): Answer the questions; look them in the eye; put down your phone—and every now and then, how about a hug?

Long live the #SNM!

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College Admission: Same as it Ever Was?

This week we welcome Regional Director of Admission, Mid-Atlantic, Kathleen Voss to the blog!

In the college admission world, I am considered a dinosaur – which is a polite way of saying I am a fossil.  To put things into perspective, the summer after college, the president walked into my office and said, “We’re implementing a revolutionary new platform called EMAIL.”  When I started on this journey, way back in nineteen hundred and ninety-three, I was 5 years older than most of the high school students that I was working with!  

I remember talking to the kids and completely relating to them.  After those students enrolled, they became like my younger sisters and friends.  We had much in common, I listened to the same music they did, watched Days of Our Lives in the dining hall during the lunch hour, and understood their struggles with school work and social pressures.

These days, I tend to relate more to the parents, many of them graduates of the class of 1993. We commiserate about our kids and share our worries.  I am still musically savvy and can tell the difference between the Justins (Timberlake and Bieber) but I no longer have the time or brainpower for Days of Our Lives, and the memories of youthful struggles are fleeting.

Sometimes, while standing behind my table at a college fair (over 500 of them in my career!), I look around at all of those young faces, and I hear that Talking Heads song… “And you may ask yourself, how did I get here?”

While I am not sure where time has gone, here is what I DO know after 23 years of working with high school kids.

They Are Socially and Culturally Aware.
By the nature of their generation they have been developing skills since early childhood that have aided them in better understanding and “acknowledging the importance of harmonious social interaction.”  Today’s young people are more open to diversity than we were 20 years ago. I like that kids today have more sensitivity to people who are different, and more confidence in sharing those differences.  There is no doubt in my mind that young people are evolving by being exposed to all types of diversity.

They Work REALLY HARD!
According to Business Insider, kids today are taking 27.2 credits, compared to the 23.6 that high school kids took in 1990. At Georgia Tech, the average number of AP/IB courses our admitted students have taken is 10, and that’s on top of logging hours of service learning outside of the classroom. We see first-hand the volume and personal benefit of service learning. These hours, in addition to sports, work, and all of those other activities found in high school, make for very busy teenagers!

Often I am asked, “Should Johnny take AP Chemistry or stay in band?  His schedule won’t allow for both.”  My response is, “What does Johnny love?”  I tell my own children, “too much of anything isn’t good for you,” and that includes AP’s.  For many kids, they need the freedom that band, art or sports provide to help recharge their brains for those higher level courses.

They Face Pressures That Would Have Given Me Nightmares.
YouTube, Instagram, Snapchat.  Your entire life captured for the world to see! That Facebook meme that says something about being glad that there was no Facebook when you were in high school… it’s the truth!

Many of the young people I meet are burned out. They suffer from chronic stress.  While I do meet kids who thrive on the pressure, I have to be honest folks, if my parents were like some of the parents I’ve met out there, I would be stressed out too!  Asking about the college profile for your 1st grader because you want to make sure they are in the “right” classes, calling the admissions office to tattle about the disciplinary infractions of your child’s classmates, writing your daughter’s application essay because “I can just do it better,” berating guidance counselors when your child doesn’t get into the school that only accepts 5% of its applicants… where does it end?

One of my colleagues at an exclusive private school in the Washington DC area begins his college night presentation for parents with the following statement; “think about your alma mater…. over 50% of you would be denied admission if you applied there today… can you give your kid a break?”

They Are Going to Be Okay.
I have answered the same questions for 23 years: “What is your average GPA? SAT? ACT? How hard is it to get in? My friend said you don’t accept grades under a B, is that true? My counselor said that I don’t have enough safety schools on my list, what do you think? ”  I’ve seen some kids come in on fire and burn out in a semester… others needed a few months to acclimate and then take off. But in the end, most made the right college decision, especially if they were true to themselves.  In his book Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be, Frank Bruni does a great job explaining why it’s what the student does in college, not where they go, that determines success.

I’ve told parents and students at all of those college fairs and visits to high schools is that it IS going to be okay.  A year from now you will have landed, and if you stay true to yourself, it will be enough.

Finally, there really will come a time when all of this will be a blip on the radar. Your college journey will be a story that you tell your own kids when you, too, are a dinosaur.

“Same as it ever was… Same as it ever was…”

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College Admission: False Voices and Escape Strategies

Little kids love stories. But if you are going to truly entertain them, you have to really develop the villain. Since I went to UNC, I often base my antagonist in Durham. With the Blue Devils living there, it’s quite easy to build a series of stories around the devious King K plotting in his Gothic towers to corrupt the world through sinister back channels (and occasionally back injuries). In many of these bedtime yarns, K would whisper in the ear of a good guy how he can make him more powerful, or more rich, or more safe, etc., if he/she just joins the Devils. (Note: No dig here on Duke. Great school. It just works well in anecdote… and the architecture does lend itself to the role.)

At times my kids would literally yell to the protagonist, “No! Don’t do it!” or “Can’t you see what he’s trying to do?” And in these stories, it was incredibly obvious: K was playing on their fear, or exaggerating his powers, or trying to manipulate for his own gain. They identify and call this out immediately. And that’s the point. I can make it a fairly quick story and get out of the room. Brilliant!

Identifying Voices in Real Life

But, in real life, as you get older, the tenor, motivation, and transparency of the voices around you are not as easy to discern. Messages become more nuanced, and it’s easy to be confused because many times these sources seem credible. Nobody is literally dressing up in a Devil mascot outfit with a pitchfork trying to convince you to attend a certain school or pay for a particular service.

But “false voices” are in this process, so it’s important that you listen closely. Here are a few things to watch out for as you learn to identify those who speak the truth, and those who may not.

  •  Hyperbolic language: (The quotes in this section are actual phrases that have been used, not hypothetical examples). If someone around you is continually saying things like “disaster,” “panic,” “insane,” “stress,” or “peril,” you should be very cautious. To the best of my knowledge the world hasn’t ended during admission season, even when test scores are delayed, admission applications crash, or recommendation letters fail to load. You want people around you that provide solace, wisdom based upon experience, big picture data, and the power of options. Language of fear has no place in the admission profession, so consider any trace of that a red flag. While you would not do this during bedtime tales, it’s ok to physically run from “storytellers” like that.
  • Excessive Fees: If someone is charging you for their services, you should expect sound, expert, distinguished advice. This is a life lesson. You’d have high standards and a rigorous process for selecting a financial advisor or marriage counselor who is guiding you on your investments financially and relationally, right? The same is true in the admission process. And this is where the nuance occurs, because there are some very talented, experienced professionals in the admission process who will charge a reasonable fee to assist you in college list development, application packaging, scholarship navigation, etc. There are also some parents who just went through the process with their own kid who happened to get into “a good school” and now think they are an expert. If anyone is guaranteeing you admittance to a school, promising receipt of a specific selective scholarship, or implying they have a magic bullet in their “essay crafting,” you need to yell loudly in your own brain, “NO! Don’t do it!”
  • For Profit Schools: If you are considering attending a for profit school, I would urge you to read more about debt loads, graduation rates, recruitment tactics, and scratch well below the surface before enrolling.  Often the language you see in marketing and enrollment strategy from these institutions is highly exaggerated, both in what they deliver and the results of your degree.
  •  Test preparation: There is a wide misconception that because you pay for something it’s better. Absolutely false. Khan Academy has phenomenal free preparation material and ACT is partnering to develop opportunities for free or greatly reduced tutorial options. I encourage you to start with free options before exploring fee-based avenues; particularly those “guaranteeing” certain score increase ranges.  And if you are going to invest in test prep, do your homework. There are a lot of very reasonably priced local options, including community colleges and even private high schools. These typically charge less yet get similar results to the more corporate test prep industry entities.
  • The Media: Journalists are under immense pressure to turn stories around quickly and increase readership. This means that headlines are often dramatic and frequently articles don’t tell the complete story. For instance you’re almost never going to read that only about 100 schools in our nation admit less than 33% of applicants, and that the vast majority our nation’s 2000+ schools admit more than they deny. That story is not going to sell, so the “full story” goes unpublished. Again, some education beat writers are thorough, balanced, and excellent researchers. But if you see something in print/online about a school you are interested in, I implore you to go straight to the institution for clarity and perspective.
    Bonus Tip: You’re young. Save yourself. Don’t read or contribute to the comment section below these pieces, as they quickly devolve into petty, unrelated banter.

You’re 17 or 18 years old, so I am guessing saying things like:  “No! Don’t do it!” Or “Can’t you see what he’s trying to do!” are a bit too simplistic for you. So if someone is whispering drama, fear, and hyperbole in your ear, how about borrowing from one of my favorite songs?

“Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley

“Come on now, who do you, who do you, who do you, who do you think you are/

Ha ha ha bless your soul You really think you’re in control/

Well, I think you’re crazy I think you’re crazy I think you’re crazy/

And then make a run for it!

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Why Go to College?

This week we welcome one of our admission counselors, Laila Flores, to the blog. Take it away, Laila!

Why go to college?

Our Director, Rick Clark, likes to ask prospective students first why they want to go to college, and next, to consider where they will best study. I could not agree with more with his approach, and I wanted to share some thoughts about “the why” and, as examples, draw lines to “the how” from my own family’s college experience.

To impress a girlfriend, ahem… future family

My grandfather enrolled in college because he wanted to win my grandma´s favor.  He did not feel an immediate need to enroll as he was to inherit his father’s factory (devoted to making parts for automobiles). But to keep his girlfriend happy, he decided to pursue a degree in Mechanical Engineering and it proved to be a great idea! He graduated among the top in his class in 1947, mastering the skills to build his own machines (and eventually marry my grandmother).

At Georgia Tech you can find lots of opportunities to amaze your family and friends by building your own machines or enterprises. For example, if you join our Create-X, you and your team will gain the expertise to understand market demand, build a working prototype and potentially win $20,000 in seed money to start a company.

So: if you want to go to college to impress, it will work… but first and foremost, think about YOU! Which brings us to another popular reason for attending college…

To get ready for the job of your life.

When my dad was young, he dreamed of being a truck driver. As he grew older, his admiration was fixed on his brothers who were pursuing engineering degrees. As one of nine children in a loving but crowded home, he was ready to gain his independence! He loved math, and his confidence in that subject matter was enough for him to dream of becoming an engineer, an economist, or an accountant. Luckily, he was admitted to a civil engineering program, and his passion for engineering was reaffirmed when his older brother (who held a job at the Mexican ministry of public works) brought him along to the construction sites of highways and housing projects. Later, his undergraduate thesis was directed by a professor that also worked at the Ministry. By the time he graduated he had the experience and network to land a job, and he was ready to pay the bills and have a home of his own. Can you imagine having your own place and house rules?

At Tech you can take advantage of our co-curricular programs like co-op and internships to develop professional connections and build experience and be ready for the job market. More than 90% of our students have a job lined up within 6 months of graduation, some have offers by the end of their junior year!

Not all people are seeking to win approval or gain a job.  Some people go to college because they care about the social good.

To make a difference by helping others

My mother wanted to pursue a career in medicine or dentistry to help others. Dentistry, she reasoned, would provide a better work/life balance. It proved true! She had an office in our house, so she could see patients in the mornings and spend the afternoons with me.

There are many opportunities for students to make a positive change through Georgia Tech! GT´s Engineers Without Borders or Key Club and those who participate in the Inventure Prize Competition build products that make can change the world! The last round of winners rolled out inventions to keep firefighters safer, provide fast medical screenings and make water potable in developing countries.

Complete a young adult rite of passage.

I arrived to college by default. No one I knew in my high school questioned that after graduation we were to attend college. I thought it was my duty to complete a college education, so it was more of a brain vs. heart decision. YOU, on the other hand, have time to snap out of the social conventions and take the decision to heart! You have time to think about your strengths and skills, research your options, and own this process!

In terms of then selecting a school, it helped me to compare information about the location, costs, infrastructure, number of full time/part time professors, and curriculum. If I were to choose college again I would also consider extracurricular activities, access to green space, opportunities for internships, as well as job placement rates. After graduation you will likely have to pay bills on your own, so I recommend to keep your eyes open for all the opportunities that can prepare you for the job market.

Once you get into college, you will see that some people are there to…

Experience a new lifestyle/see a new world outside your bubble

I did not pick a college that would “rock my world,” but I know that many people out are seeking just that! They want to live in a new part of the country, be in a city, or escape to a small town. They want to be part of a community that has lots of clubs, events, and traditions, or they want to get lost in a sea of people that will let them be.

For me the novelty came about during my study abroad program in Canada at University of Regina. For the first time I lived in a dorm and had to worry about my laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the bathroom… I also got to mingle with students from different parts of the world and my home, Mexico. Back at home, our classrooms were pretty homogenous. I went on a road trip with seven other friends to Banff, Edmonton and Calgary, and would have never dreamed of doing that journey sans “grownups” before that! Stepping out of my comfort zone was a great choice to learn and grow.

At Tech we have over 120 study abroad programs, you will definitely be able to enhance your second language skills and get ready for the global market place after trying one of them.

Why are you going to college?

Keep this question in mind as you create life plans. Attending college is a huge investment of time and money, so having a clear idea of why you want to go, and what you want to get out of it, is key to make the best out of the experience!

 

 

The Welcome Manual, Step 3: “Holy Cats! Keep Singing!”

Songs at Bedtime 

I have two kids, ages 8 and 5. They’re hilarious, quirky, and a ton of fun– but they also have boundless energy. Which means at night you don’t just tuck ’em in and walk out; otherwise, in the morning, you’ll find a fort made of disassembled furniture held together by Play Doh, or perhaps a barricade of clothes by the door and a naked kid sleeping in the closet.

When it comes to bedtime, my wife and I alternate between the kids each night, which makes it tough sometimes to know what happened in a book (missing two chapters every other night means lots of assumptions about how characters ended up on magical islands or colluding with a neighbor that had previously been a rival).

My tactic is read for 20 minutes or so, and then check to see if I hear snoring. If yes, creep out ever so quietly and endure the pain silently if I step on an errant Lego. If no (which is 90% of the time), pray with them. Sometimes that puts them to sleep (less characters and plot). If they’re still awake, sing. Now let me say that I’m a horrendous singer– so out of key and tune that I sit in the front row at church so nobody can hear me. I’m sure my pastor thinks I want a good seat for his sermon or quick access to the freshest communion bread– nope. At best it’s an act of mercy and love for fellow congregation members. At worst, it’s my own pride and shame.

But for some reason, my kids seem to like my singing. I’ve attempted everything from the Beatles to Beyonce, Al Jarreau to Alvin and The Chipmunks. One of their favorites– and one of the first I sang to them as babies, is Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds.” Simple tune, easy lyrics, and a great message:

3 birds

Don’t worry about a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Rise up this mornin’
Smiled with the risin’ sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Saying’, (this is my message to you)

And then I throw their name in (partly to personalize, partly to see if they’re still awake) “Oh Lizzy, don’t worry about a thing… cause every little thing gonna be all right.”

This is My Message to YOU

Do you have an older sibling, a friend from the neighborhood, or a teammate that’s heading off to college in the year ahead? Ask them where they were a year ago in their thought process for college selection. Or even ask about a few months ago in March/April. Many did not get into their first choice school and are now excitedly heading somewhere else. A year ago, some of them had one place in mind and that changed radically as the year went forward, due to major of interest, realizations of weather patterns, or bad break ups.

And you’ll hear this exact thing from college freshman when they return for Thanksgiving or Spring Break. They are glad it worked out the way it did. “I did not get into X or could not pay for Y, so I came here…. and I’m so glad.” I was on a panel recently and a mom in the audience said indignantly to an admissions dean of an Ivy League school, “When you’re denying over 90% of students, how can you sleep at night?!” His response was honest and perfect: “If we were the only school out there, I couldn’t.” So true.

The landscape of American higher education is vast. Forty-five percent of degree seeking undergraduates right now are at community colleges. Most of our 4,500 colleges and universities admit far more students than they deny. Forty percent of four-year students graduate with no debt, and of the 60% who take out loans, the average debt is under $30,000. There is a good academic, social and financial fit for every college applicant. Your job is to ensure that your list of schools is diverse and that you’ve really considered why you’re going and how you’ll pay for it. You will end up happy and at a great place next year– even if that’s not the place you have top of mind right now.

The bottom line: kids are like cats (all due respect to both parties in this analogy)– they always land on their feet. And you will too. Right now, and at points in the admission process, it can feel like an unsettling free fall. Read too much in the press, or get too wrapped up in the highest tier of selectivity, or fail to examine numbers like the “trillion dollar student debt in our nation” and you can believe that you can’t get in or won’t be able to afford to go. And that is patently false.

Case In Point

I distinctly remember meeting with a family a few years ago after our admission decisions were released. We had denied this young man and his folks were beyond angry. They were a multi-generation Georgia Tech family, consistent donors, season ticket holders– the whole nine-yards. We talked through admit rates, selectivity, competition, and our inability to admit many amazing students despite their academic qualifications due to space and faculty:student ratios.

catsNow I’d love to tell you that I was so compelling and charming that they left enlightened and wrote a bigger check to Tech. Not the case. They did not care about how Tech’s reputation, and their degree, is benefiting from growing selectivity. They wanted their kid in. I get it. We’ve talked about this. People love their kids. And we want what we want, right? They left as mad and frustrated as they entered. And I was left with less tissues and some choice new word combinations that had never been directed toward me before.

Fast forward a few years. I am at an admitted student event and meet their daughter who is a senior in high school. She’s been accepted to Tech. She’s thrilled and her mom is too! After some brief discussion about dorms and major I asked, “So how is your brother doing?” “He’s great,” she said. “He’s a junior at X college and majoring in business. This summer he was home doing a really cool internship with Coke. Looks like he’ll graduate with honors next year.” Sure, a lot of things could have been going through my head right then. Thoughts like “Good for him” or “Glad we don’t have to have another denied student meeting” or “Hope they did not really get rid of their season tickets because we need every fan we can get” but instead my only thought was… “Cats!”

Every Little Thing…

So whether you are a parent or a student (or perhaps even a counselor or teacher about to head back to school for another year) we all need to hear this: (insert name here) don’t worry about a thing…’cause every little thing gonna be all right.

Addition: I’m adding this in a few weeks late because I just came across a great testimony of exactly what I’m talking about. You don’t have to listen to the entire thing but atleast check out from the 5 minute mark to about 6:45. Here you go.