Category: Essays

Seniors, Can We ChatGPT?

Last week I wrote a piece for rising juniors about how they could consider using generative AI platforms such as ChatGPT and others in order to assist in their college search. The takeaway is that these tools are helpful for brainstorming, iterating, and sparking thought and reactions, which is essentially what the college search, application, and selection process should be.   

The responses I received via email and direct message were… mixed.  

A few were extremely appreciative– another good resource and a helpful way to open students’ minds to choices and options.  

Others were- let’s just say- less appreciative. Everything from references to an “unchecked Pandora’s Box” to some straight up vitriol. Welcome to the world of blogs and social media.  

Undeterred, this one is for high school seniors.

Here is what we know 

  1. The Common Application does not have a policy for students on using Artificial Intelligence. In fact, if you enter “AI” into their platform’s search, only a list of colleges come up: American International College, College of St. Scholastica, The Citadel, Colby College, Lawrence University. FYI- that’s a very different list than the same prompt on ChatGPT, which again points to the concept of using a variety of sources and resources in your college search, application, and selection process. 
  2. Colleges are unlikely to have uniform policies on the use of AI that cuts across their entire student body. They’ll largely leave guidance and appropriate use to individual professors and courses.  
  3. Most admission offices have not published guidance for applicants or provided public information on how AI should or should not be incorporated as you work on applications, or supplemental questions, etc.  
  4. Most high school students are using AI to some extent for personal or academic purposes.  
  5. Colleges want applications that are full of details, specifics, and insight into who you are, how you think, what you have learned, and what you care about.  

So, in hopes of bridging the void and advancing the conversation, as well as giving students, counselors, parents, and school communities (on the K-12 and higher ed side) something to react and respond to (one of AIs biggest value adds), we consulted with experts on campus- specifically Dr. David Joyner in our College of Computing- in order to develop this framework- Georgia Tech’s applicant AI guidance.  

Tools like ChatGPT, Bard and other AI-based assistance programs are powerful and valuable tools. We believe there is a place for them in helping you generate ideas, but your ultimate submission should be your own. As with all other sources, you should not copy and paste content you did not create directly into your application. Instead, if you choose to utilize AI-based assistance while working on your writing submissions for Georgia Tech, we encourage you to take the same approach you would when collaborating with people. Use it to brainstorm, edit, and refine your ideas. AI can also be a useful tool as you consider how to construct your resume in the Activities portion of the Common Application. We think AI could be a helpful collaborator, particularly when you do not have access to other assistance to help you complete your application. 

 The Activities Section. (Hat tip to my colleague Mary Tipton Woolley for her experimentation with this portion.)  

At Georgia Tech, we call this Contribution to Community. We are looking for students to demonstrated “The Three I’s”- Involvement, Impact, and Influence. We talk about this in info sessions, write about it on this blog, and even include guidance and insight, including videos on our website. Still, sometimes students struggle to think through what they’ve done and how to describe that in the boxes provided on college applications.  

Here was my prompt: can you help me put my work at Subway into the extracurricular activities into the common application  

ChatGPT response:

Absolutely! Including your work experience at Subway in the extracurricular activities section of the Common Application is a great way to showcase your skills, responsibilities, and dedication. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to do it: 

  • Title and Description: Start by giving your extracurricular activity a title. For example, you can write “Subway Employment” or “Subway Crew Member.” Be clear and concise. Then, write a brief description of your role and responsibilities at Subway. Highlight your key achievements and contributions. 
  • Organization Name: Mention “Subway” as the organization name. 
  • Position/Role: You can list your position or role, such as “Crew Member” or any other relevant title. 
  • Time Commitment: Specify the duration of your employment at Subway. Mention the start date and, if applicable, the end date. If you are still working there, you can write “Ongoing” or “Present.” 
  • Hours per Week: Mention the average number of hours you worked per week at Subway. This gives colleges an idea of your time management skills. 
  • Key Responsibilities: List some of your main responsibilities and tasks at Subway. Highlight skills and qualities you developed while working there. For example: 
  • Provided excellent customer service and ensured customer satisfaction. 
  • Prepared and served food items according to Subway’s standards. 
  • Operated the cash register and handled financial transactions. 
  • Maintained cleanliness and sanitation of the store. 
  • Collaborated with the team to achieve daily sales targets. 
  • Achievements: If you received any awards or recognition during your time at Subway, be sure to mention them. For example, if you were recognized as the “Employee of the Month” or received positive feedback from customers or managers. 
  • Personal Growth: Reflect on how your experience at Subway contributed to your personal growth. Did you develop communication skills, learn to work in a fast-paced environment, or improve your problem-solving abilities? Colleges value personal growth and development. 
  • Skills Gained: Highlight the skills you gained or improved through this experience. These could include customer service, teamwork, time management, responsibility, or any other relevant skills. 
  • Impact and Learning: Explain how your work at Subway influenced your academic or career goals, and what valuable lessons you learned from this experience.

And then it closed with: Remember to be honest and authentic while describing your experience at Subway. Admissions officers appreciate genuine experiences that showcase your growth and development. Including work experiences like this can demonstrate responsibility, time management, and the ability to balance academics with employment. Good luck with your application! 

 Well…thank you ChatGPT. I appreciate the integrity and encouragement!    

Perfect? Absolutely not. You are not going to have space, nor do you need to delve into “Personal Growth” or “Impact and Learning.” But the rest is helpful, accurate, and fairly thorough.  

You’ll also find these tools helpful if you are struggling to fit an activity into the boxes and character count on an application. Rephrasing, reformatting, iterating, and doing so within specific word parameters is a strength of ChatGPT. 

College Specific Supplements and Essays 

Here is our specific advice: 

In the same way you would not copy directly from any other source you may incorporate into the writing process, you should not copy and paste directly out of any AI platform or submit work that you did not originally create. Instead, approach and consider any interaction with an AI tool as a learning experience that may help you generate ideas, provide alternative phrasing options, and organize your thoughts. Ultimately, we want to read and hear your unique and valuable writing style. 

The truth is that getting started with anything is hard. Getting out the door to go to the gym or for a run, cleaning the house, or working on a project. Momentum is tough to create, and we all need help at times.  

Over the years, I have consistently heard students talk about the dreaded blinking cursor. The tyranny of the blank page. How do I get my thoughts out? How do I figure out what I want to write about or how to phrase things?

Some students have built in resources to help- parents, siblings, teachers, counselors, or other supporting adults around them who they can talk through their activities or essays with. Other students pay for that service and assistance.  

AI tools can complement those other resources and fill a void for students who may not have historically had these benefits. This is a good thing.  

What I AM saying 

ChatGPT can write an essay or supplemental response for you.   

Will it have any personal style, unique details, valuable specifics, or soul? No.  

Is copying, pasting, and submitting something you did not write ever a good idea? No.  

Could reading those before you go to sleep be a helpful substitute for melatonin? Yes. 

AND I am also saying that after reading the essay or supplemental prompts, it could be worth asking ChatGPT to generate a response that will help stimulate ideas and ways to improve and personalize your writing. Again, this is a tool, a collaboration, and a way to get started.   

What YOU can expect 

  1. Perfect grammar. These tools are built off ridiculous amounts of information. The grammar will be impeccable.
  2. Inaccuracies and generic writing. After reading what is produced, it will be very sanitized and relatively boring. It will lack specifics and it will not “sound like me.” Some of the content will simply not be accurate.  
  3. A need to revise. Re-enter the prompt adding in details and specifics. When, where, who, why?
  4. Head shaking. Wait… NO. That’s not what I meant. That’s not what happened. That’s not how I want to say it. And simultaneously, YES! That could be a good way to go, or I had not thought about putting it that way.
  5. MOMENTUM! Ok. Now you are rolling. Now your brain is working and you’re homing in on what YOU want to write about. You’ve seen the boring and impersonal way to write about your topic. Now it is time to open that Word document and take some of the lessons you’ve learned and write your own essay or supplemental response.   

As I said earlier, colleges want applications that are full of details, specifics, and insight into who you are, how you think, what you have learned, and what you care about. That’s a lot to ask. And it is a process of brainstorming, iterating, uncovering, discovering, ultimately submitting an application that tells your story. It’s a process. While AI does not make a good author, it can be a helpful stimulator, sounding board, collaborator, and momentum generator.   

Congratulations on your senior year and getting started with your college applications!     

 

YOUR College Admissions Playbook

This weekend I watched “American Underdog,” which is about former NFL quarterback Kurt Warner. Some football fans may remember he was undrafted coming out of college at the University of Northern Iowa. In his first shot with a pro team (the Green Bay Packers), he bombed. He was not ready or prepared. Over the course of the next few years, he played Arena League Football in Des Moines, Iowa. It was in those seasons that he studied, learned, grew, and realized what he wanted and why.

Now, I’m not saying you have to watch the movie, move to Iowa, or stock shelves in a supermarket the way he did. But, if you are a rising high school senior, I do believe his story is instructive. When Kurt Warner got his next NFL shot with the St. Louis Rams a few years later, he was ready and ultimately successful. That success, however, came through a process of examination and preparation.

You don’t have a few years before you apply to college—you have a few months. But that is enough because this is not about memorizing and executing a complicated NFL playbook. Instead, I’m boiling your summer college admission application playbook down to five steps.

GET STARTED. I am challenging you to create a Common Application or Coalition Application via Scoir by July 15. The odds are you are going to use one of these platforms to apply to at least one college, and sometimes just getting started is the toughest thing. Whether it be running or writing a paper or doing a chore, the first step is often the one that requires the most energy. But as you know, once the school year starts, you are going to have assignments, practice, work, and tons of other opportunities and obligations as a senior. Knock out the basic biographical information these applications will require now.

CREATE (or UPDATE). If you do not already have one, there are plenty of online templates and resume generators to help you. Again, the summer prior to senior year is the time to do this. Some colleges allow you to upload resumes directly into their application, and with AI tools you can take copy from your resume and easily reformat into the Activities section of college applications.

If you go for a campus visit this summer where an interview is offered, you will want to bring your resume, and ultimately if you are part of scholarship or honors program interviews, you’ll need a refined resume. In our first-year seminar at Georgia Tech, we help students refine resumes because employers, scholarship programs, and research opportunities all expect these. Get ahead when you have capacity this summer.

DRAFT and REVISIT. The Common Application essay prompts are posted. I know the weather is good and sitting in front of a computer is not the first image that pops up when someone says, “Summer.” But your goal in the fall is to be as far out in front of deadlines as possible.

Ultimately, you want to submit an essay that you believe tells more of your story and complements the other information on your application. That’s not going to be done in one sitting—even though we try to tell ourselves, “I do my best work when I’m under pressure.” I’m suggesting you pick a prompt (or two) and knock out a first draft by August 1. Under that timeline, you’ll have plenty of time to revisit your essay, run it by a teacher, counselor, or another trusted adult, and be completely set by October 1 at the latest.

READ and RESEARCH. Since you do not have actual school homework this summer, here is my assignment for the weeks ahead. READ. Think about the colleges you are currently considering and read more about them. Too many students build their list of schools based on rankings, football conferences, or the opinions of others. Read and consider what you learn about a few of the schools you are excited about. Check out their student newspaper, a recent alumni magazine online, or some of the latest stories featuring professors or students.

Ask yourself if what you are seeing excites you, encourages you, and gets you more motivated to apply… or not. This is a gut check. As you are reading, be honest with yourself about why that particular school is of interest and how it landed on your list of colleges to consider.

Extra Credit: Read something you actually want to rather than what has been prescribed to you in school. Take time this summer to check out an article or a book about a topic you want to know more about or understand more deeply. Or maybe an author or a subject you would normally not be interested in or generally disagree with. Too few of us are willing to explore “the other side.” A mindset of curiosity and a posture of willingness to consider will make you a better college applicant and ultimately a better college student.

EDIT and ITERATE. Your first essay draft will not be your best. You will improve your writing by coming back to it with fresh eyes in multiple sittings. Too many students do not look back over their entire application to consider what they have left out or how they can improve the overall submission. But if you follow steps 1-4, you’ll have time to do this. There will be time for a parent, friend, or another adult look over your entire app and ask you questions about why you either did or did not include particular elements. Iterate.

And your college list can (arguably should) be changing this summer too. We are too quick to believe changing our mind is a weakness. Instead, it means you are thinking critically, doing your research, and staying open to what you want, what you learn, and which colleges match and fit your goals and interests. Editing and iterating is a strength. Don’t believe me? Check out Adam Grant’s instructive book or podcast for more on this lifelong skill of re-examining or “thinking again.”

Two Thumbs Up- Another element I loved about the movie was it was clear that Kurt Warner was having fun playing football. There was pressure but he did not look at it like a job. Instead, it was a privilege and an opportunity. That’s what this is, my friends- a privilege and opportunity. My hope is you’ll have fun visiting, researching, and ultimately applying to college. Sound crazy? Sound impossible? See: Kurt Warner.

Stay Curious

Early on in my time at Georgia Tech, a colleague received an email from a prospective student with a full signature line, including an inspirational quote at the bottom. I’m sure you have seen these before.

Typically, it looks something like this:

George P. Burdell
King of Georgia Tech
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

In most cases, you immediately recognize the quote (like the one above) or the person to whom it’s attributed. In my experience, Gandhi, MLK, Mother Teresa, or a dead politician or author are fairly common.

This particular situation had us curious because:

  • Most high school students don’t have signature lines.
  • Neither the quote nor the person to whom it was attributed were familiar.

So, we discussed, we debated, and we Googled. Finally, after extensive investigative research, we connected the dots. The mystery person who uttered these inspiring words was… the applicant’s dad—the different last name threw us off initially, but once we figured this out… it was on. For a good month, every internal email we sent included a quote from our own parents or close relatives.

“Don’t make me pull this car over.”

“Failing to plan means planning to fail.”

“This hurts me more than it hurts you.”

There were a few absolute gems. But it also led to some really personal conversations about our relationships with parents and some of the wise, interesting, and influential things they shared with us growing up.

Now, I’m not proposing you create a formal signature line for your emails during high school or walk around quoting your dad, but I do think this story is instructive. The truth is I cannot recall any of the other signature line quotes I’ve read over the years, but this one is emblazoned in my memory. Why? Because it was not familiar. And as a result, it led us to ask questions, research, and ultimately have enriching, bonding conversations.

A college search and selection process done right opens these doors for discovery and connection too. As a prospective student, my hope is you will stay curious, ask lots of questions, use your resources, and have open, honest conversations with the people around you about what you are learning.

In hopes of getting you started, here are a few accessible and available tools you may not have considered yet in your college search and selection experience.

College Scorecard– This site is hosted by the U.S. Department of Education. It is an increasingly valuable tool for searching for schools by academic program, size, cost, location, and other factors. It does a very good job providing details on price, median career earnings, graduation rates, and retention data, which often are tough to find on individual admission or university homepages. As you are researching where to visit or apply, the Scorecard comparison feature is helpful because it is easy to tailor based on a variety of factors. And it will give you data to consider or metrics to compare that you may not have previously encountered or factored. My hope is you will use this along the way, whether it be prior to visiting, applying, or deciding on a college.

ChatGPT– Based on their historically glacial rate of change and adaptation, I do not expect Common Application to include instructive language about the use of AI this year. So, there is no need to stare helplessly at a blinking cursor on the screen. One of generative AI’s greatest strengths is facilitating brainstorming and iteration.

There are seven prompts to choose from in the cycle ahead, so let’s assume you pick this one: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

Include a few bullet points of your ideas and be sure to name specific people, places, situations, and perhaps a quote or two- and then ask the program to produce a response of 500 words.

Make notes of what is accurate and helpful? What does not resonate with you as specific enough or reflective of your voice and experience?

In the essay, admission reviewers want details and insight that is uniquely yours. If you are applying to a college that receives 35,000 applications and the essay responses are evenly divided, then five thousand other students are responding to the same prompt you choose. As my colleague Dr. David Joyner from Georgia Tech’s College of Computing said, “use your interaction with the AI assistant as a learning experience, then let your assignment reflect your improved understanding.”

Degree Choices.  Rankings get a lot of press and attention in the college admission conversation. However, in most cases, we do not dig into how these lists are formulated. Degree Choices provides a series of rankings lists based on region, academic program, return on investment metrics, etc. Even if you do not agree with the way they approach their rankings, at least it gets you thinking about what you do value. As I’ve said before, a good high school student becomes a good college applicant becomes a good college student. That starts with doing your homework, asking questions, re-thinking, and considering a variety of angles and sources.

The Common Data Set Initiative– For the data wonks among you- or for those who want to see information presented in a uniform manner from colleges. You can easily search for any institution’s CDS online. As an example, here is Georgia Tech’s. Particularly in the test optional world we are all attempting to navigate, the CDS can be helpful in understanding the number or percentage of test takers. CDS also highlights retention rates, financial aid distribution, and residency, ethnicity, and gender breakdowns, as well as size of classes, faculty degree attainment information, and more. Looking at multiple years of information in this format can point to trends or suggest institutional priorities. Again, taken alongside other tools and resources, examining Common Data Sets will inevitably generate questions for you to ask or additional topics to research when you visit campus and speak with students, faculty, or admission officers.

Pop Quiz

Did you wonder who George P. Burdell was in the example signature line? Did you follow the link to learn more? If so, you are well on your way with this whole curiosity and exploration adventure (If not, I’ve got you covered- here’s the link).

Rick Clark
AVP/Executive Director- Undergraduate Admission
“Stay Curious.”

Three (MORE) Messages Parents of High School Students Need to Hear About College Admission

Learn more and listen to Q&A about this blog on the College Admission Brief podcast! Apple | Spotify | Spreaker | Google

…and we’re back. As mentioned in Part I, I decided to write these two blogs specifically for my friends, neighbors, and other adults in my life who now have kids in high school or considering college. As such you are welcome to read and consider, read and ignore, or not read but still forward or share.

  1.  The admissions essay. First, not all colleges require students to write an essay or respond to short answer questions on their application. Those who do include writing as an opportunity for students to bring voice and personalization to an otherwise heavily box, number, and line- filled application. In reading essays, admission reviewers simply want to get a sense of students’ ability to express themselves or provide insight into their character, background, motivations, and so on. As a result, essays matter. Nobody adds questions or prompts to their application just to make it longer. We read. We share. We glean insight from student writing.

However, just as much as a comma splice or failure to underline the name of a book in an essay is not going to keep a student from being admitted, the essay in general is not going to be the thing that “gets your kid in.” Anyone who tells you otherwise: a) has never worked on a college campus b) has a vested (usually monetary) interest in convincing you otherwise c) that’s it. There is no C—other than their pulse on college admission. Is it wise to have someone look over an essay for feedback? Absolutely. Should students put thought, effort, and care into their writing for colleges? Undoubtedly. But as a parent or a supporting adult please do not edit out your kids’ voice/style, or pressure them to write about something they don’t genuinely value or believe has been impactful to them, because in doing so you rob the application of the very qualities we are hoping to see in their writing. More here. Bottom line: Essays are not the magic bullet/Hail Mary/death nail/Lazarus factor people believe them to be.

 2. High School/Club Sports vs. College Athletics. Too many conversations leap from “my kid is talented in (insert sport here)” to they’re going to play in college and “get a full ride scholarship.” Consider this: fewer than two- percent of high school athletes receive athletic scholarships, and most of those only cover a percentage of tuition, housing, meals, books, fees, and so on.

As your athlete has success at higher and more competitive levels, it is exciting to imagine them playing in bigger stadiums, in front of more people, or even on TV. My hope is you will focus more on the day to day and week to week of supporting, encouraging, and enjoying watching your athlete play club and high school sports, than speculating about or assuming where it may lead. Keep saving for college. Keep pushing your student to excel in the classroom. Be proud of them for who they are and what they’ve accomplished– and be sure they know it. In other words, don’t convince yourself there is an inverse correlation between the number of trophies or media coverage and the number of dollars you will be spending on college. It may play out that way, but in the overwhelming number of cases, it won’t. Dream killer or friend? You decide. Stay grounded, stay humble, and stay focused on being able to finance a college degree without dependence on a full athletic scholarship.

3. Quality of institution is not correlated with admit rate, ranking, or any other singular number or metric.

Whether it be an effort to simplify, ego, or buying into the false narrative around selectivity and rankings, parents and supporting adults too often reduce a student’s options, limit their perspective, and curb their ability to explore based on numbers.

Admit rate: When I arrived at Tech, we were admitting well over 60% of applicants. Just a few years ago we sat around 40%. This year’s class will see an admit rate below 20%. Are the students significantly smarter, more talented, or more destined for future success? Absolutely not. Students we admitted at 60% are running companies now and sitting on boards of major organizations. I’m not going to go down the rabbit hole of how different colleges count differently on apps received or admits issued, but the bottom line is selectivity level is not a proxy for academic quality. Most colleges in the country admit more students than they deny. If the best match for your student has an admit rate that is 20 points higher than another one they are admitted to, don’t let your ego or a false narrative cloud your judgment.

Ranking: The students at Tech who are currently sophomores applied here when we were ranked number five in the nation for public universities. Within a month of enrolling here, we’d dropped to number eight, and this year we are number 10. I’ve yet to see a student transfer because of this change—because nothing has changed. Same great students, important research, and valuable network/job opportunities. I  urge you to not draw firm (arguably arbitrary) lines, whether it be at number 10, 50, or 100. College is a big decision. College is expensive. College cannot be reduced to one number. Don’t fall into that trap. And for the love of all things holy, friends, if you are going to ascribe any value to a singular number or deem it an authoritative signpost, examine the methodology and ask yourself if your values are in line with their calculations.

In most cases, leading or pushing your student to limit or dictate their choice of where to apply or attend based on one number (or even small set of numbers) is short-sighted bordering on irresponsible.

Since there won’t be a part three to this series, let’s conclude this way. I know it’s challenging supporting your student through high school, and particularly through the college experience. So, while I do hope you will legitimately consider everything I have shared in this blog and the one prior, I also want to sincerely thank you.

First day of school
editorial cartoon

Thank you for loving your kids.

Thank you for advocating for them.

Thank you for wanting them to have a better life and more opportunities and experiences than you have had.

Thank you for encouraging them and supporting them, even when they drive you nuts, roll their eyes, mumble one-syllable responses, or keep you up late at night worrying.

Thank you for washing the same dishes and clothes a thousand times.

Thank you for driving to and from practice and sitting through hours of swim meets or dance or music performances (just to hear or see your child perform for a fraction of that time).

Do I wish you wouldn’t disguise your voice in order to procure your daughter’s admission portal password? Sure.

Would admission officers prefer to come in the morning after releasing admission decisions, get a cup of coffee, and check the scores from the night before, rather than having parents outside (or in the parking lot) wanting to appeal or provide 13 additional recommendation letters? Yep.

Do I enjoy having my competence, intelligence, or soul brought into question based on an admission decision? Not particularly.

Nevertheless, as the parent of two kids, I get it. The truth is you are doing what you always have–loving them, protecting them, and providing for them. And since you absolutely do not hear this enough– THANK YOU!

Got friends who won’t read 1200 words on this topic, but still may benefit from hearing these messages– pass them this Twitter thread.

Three Messages Parents of High School Students Need to Hear About College Admission

Listen to the podcast! Apple | Spotify | Spreaker | Google

I am getting older. I know this because I now bring a mini-massage gun with me when I travel; my pant legs neither tightly hug my calves nor end an inch above my ankle; and when I buy wine at the grocery store the cashier either does not card me or goes back to scanning items when I confidently reach for my wallet (plus, hey, I’m regularly buying wine at the grocery store).

I’m not sure if you are also experiencing this, but my kids are getting older too, as are their parents. So, with each passing year, I’m getting more texts, emails, and calls from friends about college and college admission, and over-hearing both discussed frequently at games or other events.

While I did write an entire book on this subject, I feel like I owe my friends more than simply texting them an Amazon link. Plus, I understand not everyone is up for reading 200+ pages. But after watching this cycle repeat itself for over two decades (use of “decades” being another “getting older” give-away), I’m convinced there are a few messages most parents of high school students need to hear-and hopefully will listen to also.

Pronouns Matter. As your kids enter and move through high school, and especially as they are applying to college, I hope you will be cognizant of your pronouns. If you find yourself commonly saying things like, “We have a 3.8,”Pre-Calc is really killing us this year,” or “Our first choice is ___________,” it may be time to take a long walk, a deep breath, or a stiff drink. Ask yourself if those pronouns are just a reflection of your love and years of intimately intertwined lives, or if they are a subtle prodding to step back and let your student demonstrate what you know they are capable of handling.

As you well know, parenting is a delicate dance that becomes increasingly complicated as kids get older. Be honest with yourself and pay attention to when its time to take the lead or step back. Interestingly, it was current Atlanta Mayor (and former Georgia Tech staff member) Andre Dickens who introduced me to the concept of moving from parent to partner with a presentation he used to give at new student-parent orientation. And that should be your focus as your kids move closer toward graduation from high school.

As a parent, I understand this is not easy. But don’t lose sight of the ultimate goal. “College Prep” is not simply about academics, and we should be focused on ensuring our kids are socially, emotionally, and practically prepared, regardless of where they end up going to college. Watching your pronouns is a great place to start.

College admission is not fair. However, in contrast to what most people think, it is easy to understand. Admission is driven by two fundamental rules:

  1. Supply and demand. The Applicant to Class Size ratio drives admit rate. If applications go up and enrollment does not, the admit rate drops.

This is why you hear about Younger Sibling not getting into University of X (Home of the Fighting X’s) with the same, or even better high school grades and classes, than Older Sibling (a current junior at X with a 3.4 GPA). Three years have passed, U of X’s new first-year class size is the same, but this year they receive 5000 more applications than the year Older applied. Could Younger do the work? 100%. Is Younger talented, ambitious, and very interested in going to University of X? Without question. Is this fair? Nope, but it is logical.

  1. Mission drives admission. As we just established, Older is a good student and a good person (3.4 GPA in college and very active on campus). But three years ago, when she applied as a high school senior, there was another candidate vying for admission—Applaquint. “App” had better grades, better classes, better writing, and more community involvement (all the things U of X says it values) than Older. App, however, was denied.

Why? Well, it happens that App is from Y (the state just to the east of X). Because University of X is a public school, students from the state are admitted at 5 times (would have been too confusing to say 5x) the rate of non-Xers. Fair? No! Again, App is smarter, nicer, and better looking than Older. But again, totally logical.

College brochures may make all campuses look the same, but the goals for the composition of their classes vary widely in number, geography, major, gender, and so on. So when admission committees discuss candidates, they are reviewing and considering GPA, essays, and letters of recommendation,  but ultimately institutional mission and priorities are the lens and filter through which admission decisions are made.

As a parent, my sincere hope is you hear, believe, and prepare yourself for this truth- neither an admit nor deny decision is a value judgment or evaluation of your job as a parent. My friend Pam Ambler from Pace Academy puts it perfectly: “Admission decisions feel deeply personal, but that is not how they are made.” As a result, many parents react when their student receives disappointing admission news. They see that hurt and think they need to call the admission office (or the president or the governor), appeal the decision, “come down there,” or pull strings. After watching this cycle repeat itself over and over, and particularly as my own kids grow up, I’ve come to appreciate ALL of that comes from a place of deep and genuine love. But ultimately, in these moments what kids need from you is very simple—love, concern, empathy, belief, and encouragement, or sometimes just a heartfelt hug.

College Parents > HS Parents. When your kids were little and you were struggling with potty training or getting your baby to sleep through the night, did you seek advice and insight from other parents in the same chapter? No! Because they were either a: just as clueless or frustrated as you were b: maddeningly oblivious c: prone to lie, exaggerate, or hide the reality of their situation.

The same is true when it comes to college admission. Other parents with kids in high school often have just enough information to sound informed but frequently serve to proliferate inaccuracy and consternation– “You know the valedictorian three years ago did not get into….” and “It’s easier to get in from (insert high school three miles away), because they don’t have IB like we do.” Generous generalizations and liberal rounding phrases like, “he has mostly As and Bs” or her SAT is “around a 1400″ should send your BS radar way up in cases like this. Walk away, my friends. Dismiss, change the subject, and don’t let those comments stress you out. 

The bottom line is parents of high school students should talk to fewer parents of high school students about college admission, and more parents of current college students, or recent college graduates. These folks, who are one chapter ahead, invariably provide perspective, levity, insight, and sanity. They are far less prone to exaggeration, and in fact often incredibly raw and honest in their evaluation. “She was crushed when she did not get into Stanvard. But now she’s at Reese’s U and is not sorry.” Or “We didn’t get the financial aid package we needed for him to go to Enidreppep University, so he ended up at QSU. He graduates this spring and already has a great job lined up with the company where he’s been interning.” Again, seek perspective, levity, insight, and sanity from parents of current college students, and spend your time talking to parents of other high school students about the upcoming game or recently opened restaurant in your area.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for listening. And stay tuned for upcoming podcasts and blogs with a few more key messages for high school parents coming soon…

If you have friends who not won’t read 200+ pages, but are likely not even ready 1000+ words, you can send them to my original Twitter thread with these messages for parents.